Time slows for no man...

It is hard for me to believe that a year has passed since my Dad departed this earth. I feel like I have been a parentless child forever...It just seems like so long ago when everything was "normal." At the same time, certain sounds, smells, songs and other random details of life take me right back. If I close my eyes, I can see everything that happened like it is happening right now...Almost like I can reach out and touch him.

I have found a new normal. Doing my best to try and take care of the estate stuff...Sometimes being successful, sometimes not so much. I just wonder if I will ever get it all together.

There are so many things that have come to light that make me so thankful. I am truly blessed with the friends and family that surround me. I am so lucky to have people to listen to me, and stand by me, and be there when I need a helping hand. Life doesn't get much better than that. All this has taught me that a lot of the material things in life, although nice and comforting, don't really amount to much. You make your own destiny, your own life. Much of how you go through life depends on how much you live it. Not too many people are capable of living in the moment all the time. But is important to try and be present as much as possible. Too often lately, I have seen news stories, known people, or have been told of friends or co-workers who were here one day, and gone the next.

The social medium has given rise to the ability to reconnect with old friends. It has also brought to light the passing, entirely too soon, of high school and childhood friends and acquaintances. I have been so awed and overwhelmed with the positive comments and support from distant friends. It is such a treasure to have people from across the years and across the miles back in my life...Even if it is just through words on a page...

So many changes, so many heartaches, so many blessings...It all comes full circle.

Garage Sale exhaustion...

I cannot believe it is Wednesday, and I am still exhausted from the weekend! Granted, it was a very busy, very emotional weekend, but still...

The garage sale was a success! Planning was crazy, but having a weekday off gave me a chance to go and visit my friend Maddie, which I don't get the pleasure of seeing as much anymore. Maddie and Dennis are great friends of my folks, and would be by to visit almost every weekend when they were at Magnolia. I am so grateful for the wonderful people in our lives...Those small visits made such an impact on the lives that my parents had been forced into leading. Little rays of sunshine in an otherwise dim world...

The garage sale was really very good though! It was constantly busy, and I got rid of about 70% of the stuff I put out to sell! I am so lucky to have had the most wonderful help! I had about 10 friends there almost the whole time! It was a good thing, because I spent most of the morning in the house having an emotional break down. So, overwhelming...Admitting that this all actually happened, and indeed, they are gone. I know that sounds silly, because I have been living it, but somehow, putting all their stuff out on the lawn for people to bargain with you over your memories was really overwhelming. But I survived, made some space for myself, and a nice little chunk of change to go towards bills and such...And maybe a massage or something.

And Sunday, I attended a memorial service for my good friend's stepmother. She battled a debilitating disease for many years, and Kristin's Dad was always so devoted to her and her care. I am worried about him...I can't imagine spending all my waking hours caring for someone, and then have them be gone...I am still having a hard time, but at least I always had work as a distraction and a time-occupier...All of his kids live out of town, and he only lives down the block from me, so hopefully he will call me to go to dinner, or walk around the lake or something from time to time.

I did get to spend time with their family. They always make me feel like one of the gang. I always call them my "big-family" family. Their family is not huge, but with the 3 kids who are all married with 2 kids each, it is always loud and noisy and fun! All the little kids love each other so much and you can see how happy they are to spend time with their cousins. I just love being in the middle of all of it. So, despite the sad occasion, I was happy to get a chance to see my friends.

So, as promised a few weeks back...Some songs that make me smile...

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

This song is about how all your experiences in life are not about the destination, they are about the journey. And hard times are always there, but they are a challenge and are a part of life...An attitude very much like my Dad's...It keeps me strong and inspired...A few lyrics...

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Anything by Lady GaGa

Now, I tried so hard to dislike Lady GaGa...I don't know, she is pretty ridiculous and I just thought she was silly...But then, a song would come on the radio and how can you not just laugh at some of her lyrics??? Here are a handful of the funny lines...

Pokerface
I'm not lying
I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning

Just Dance
What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can?t see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Waking up in Vegas by Katy Perry

Now, I wasn't a big fan of the "I Kissed a Girl" song, but this song is too cute! It is one of the MANY possible outcomes of a crazy trip to Vegas! It reminds me of my folks and their trips all over SoCal and Nevada doing the casino tour...:)

You gotta help me out
It's all a blur last night
We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm broke
I lost my fake ID but you lost the motel key
Spare me your freakin' dirty looks
Now don't blame me
You want to cash out and get the hell out of town

[Chorus:]Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas

Anyway, there is a handful, and hopefully a higher note!

Much love!

Looking for that forward momentum...

Newman is helping to get ready for the garage sale!!

Wow...This going through my parents belongings thing kinda, well, sucks eggs...I have been slowly making rounds around the house, figuring out what to keep, what to sell, what to donate...Simply overwhelming.

It is hard trying to separate emotions from the "stuff..." There are things I will keep because of the sentimental value...I came across my Mom's wedding veil, something I have never seen in person...It is not something that may ever come back out of the closet, but it is going to stay there anyway. There are other things that are much harder...Oh look, it is a beautiful golden bird statuette, that my Mom loved to display on her mantel...It is just not anywhere near my style, but it is hard to just put something my Mom loved out for sale, but it just has to be done.

So, I am as ready as I am going to be. Saturday will be the first of a few garage sales that will help to bring in some money, and help dig me out of the 2 houses full of stuff.

I, once again, realize I am so lucky to have wonderful supportive people in my life. A handful of my friends came over and helped me go through the house and grab anything I may have missed, organize it all and price it...And, they have agreed to come help me on Saturday at the garage sale. I couldn't do this without them...Their undying support is like a warm blanket wrapped around my shoulders on a cold night.

Much love.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...(Turn and face the strain)

David Bowie certainly knew what he was singing about...Change is inevitable, there is no doubt about that.

I used to have a theory about my life and my happiness...I had 5 branches of my life...me, my house/possessions, family and friends, work and my dogs.  As long as at least 2 or 3 of these areas were stable, I was in a good place.  Well, all that pretty much went out the window in the last half of 2008.  Both my parents were going through significant illnesses, my darling little dog I had for more than 10 years passed away, the plumbing under my kitchen had roots growing in it, causing sewage to flood my downstairs, and my company was sold to a Belgian beer company...Then it pretty much went downhill from there.

Things are still difficult everyday.  Still trying to sort through all the legal and financial stuff, dealing with 2 houses, missing my folks every day, still being shocked to realize (several times each day) that they are gone forever, and today, it was announced that my company was sold by that Belgian brewer to Blackstone, a private equity firm.

Blackstone, a British company, either operates or is part owner of other entertainment entities, including the London Eye (a large Ferris wheel in London), Madame Tussuad's Wax Museums, Universal Studios Orlando, and closer to home, the Legoland theme park in Carlsbad, CA.

Many of their other entities are housed under a subsidiary called Merlin Entertainment.  From what we are being told, they will be keeping Busch Entertainment Corporation as a separate entity.  I think information will be forthcoming, but here is the latest:  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33210164/ns/business-world_business

Not sure what all this means, but I can only hope for the best.  Needless to say, my life has been out of balance for so long, I am not sure what balance feels like...But, I still keep doing my best to make it through each day.

Change is not bad...It is just, change.  The only thing that is constant...But that doesn't mean it isn't overwhelming at times.

Much love.

Well hello October!

Wow...It just keeps going...Time rolls on, in and over, without even considering how it effects everyone and everything...It pushes me further from my parents, and closer to whatever lies ahead in my life, just as it does to everyone else.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Cancer of any kind is a formidable foe. It is a tremendous enemy, and can effect almost anyone, anytime, in almost anyway. Breast cancer is a cause that has truly been blessed with a wonderful marketing juggernaut in the Susan G. Komen foundation, and the classic pink ribbon campaign.

Although breast cancer primarily strikes women, men can fall prey to this disease as well. It is very common...More than 1 in 4 cancers diagnosed in women in the U.S. is breast cancer. Breast cancer incidence in women in the U.S. is 1 in 8, and the primary risk factors are gender (being a woman) and age (growing older). There are many types of breast cancer, and depending on when they are caught, they are treatable, and often survivable. It is hereditary, and the risk doubles if a woman has a first-degree relative (mother, sister, daughter) who has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

It is quite amazing...The amount of money raised specifically for breast cancer research and support. There are many people out there who feel that the Susan G. Komen is perhaps "hogging" the spotlight when it comes to their efforts. They do spend a lot of money on advertising and public relations, but they also have set an amazing example as to how to go about fighting an enemy like this. The foundation has invested more than $1 billion since it's inception in 1982.

I know two women first hand battling this disease at this very moment. One of them has had her mastectomy, and is starting chemo, and the other is in the middle of her chemo and if all goes well, will have a mastectomy early next year. Please keep Elaine and Kathryn in your thoughts and prayers, and send them strength and positive thoughts.

Sadly, the key to fighting this particular disease is not really prevention...It is early detection. There have been many advances in the breast cancer story over the years. For example, routine mammography has been strongly encouraged and covered by insurance since the mid-1980's. There have also been significant advances in treatment, like the drug Herceptin, which was developed at the Jonsson Cancer Center at UCLA with support by the biotech firm Genentech, and received FDA approval in 1998. There is a Lifetime Original Movie based on this story starring (my boyfriend;) Harry Connick, Jr. It is called "Living Proof" and is a wonderful story about what Dr. Dennis Slamon went through getting this drug through funding, testing and clinical trials. Lifetime is showing this movie again next week in case anyone is interested...Friday, October 8, 8:00 p.m. on Lifetime. They are also showing another Original Lifetime Movie called "Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy" immediately following "Living Proof" at 10:00 p.m. on October 8th.

The way I look at it, any advance in cancer research, treatment, and hopefully cures, will benefit us all in one way or another. They are starting Herceptin trials on certain types of stomach cancers now.

If you have the time to volunteer, time to pray, or money to help, or purchase something pink that contributes a percentage of your purchase to a breast cancer charity, or even time to educate yourself more on this disease that is likely to directly effect a woman very close to you at some point in your life, it certainly couldn't hurt. Every bit of knowledge and every penny that goes to research is one step closer to putting an end to this disease, and eventually to cancer as a whole.

Do your part...No matter how small.

Much love.

My Grandpa would be so proud...

Well, I went sportfishing for my first time ever! I can remember growing up, my Grandpa always had a TON of rods and reels suspended from the garage rafters. Now, I know he did mainly fresh water fishing, but I assume they also went out on the ocean as well.

My Krietz-Carlson family invited me to go along with them on a full-day trip. We went about 100 miles south and fished off the coast of Mexico. I was petrified of getting seasick, as I am prone to motion sickness and car sickness from time to time. So, I did my research, and invested in some ginger capsules, and ate the right things and avoided the right things, and took some dramamine just to be extra careful. I did pretty good!

I caught 3 yellowfin tuna...Smaller ones, but I was really just excited with the whole boat experience itself. I had never been on a boat where you couldn't see land at all, in any direction. It was a little unnerving...I did not know which way we were headed at most times and although I was watching the wake of the boat go in little "S" patterns, it felt like the boat was going straight...Very weird! I loved the whole process of everything...Getting the bait on board, the little bunks (I slept on the top bunk...Initially fearful of rolling off and plunging 7 feet to the floor made sleeping a little restless), the mad scramble when daylight hit and they spotted some fish. It was hard not to get trampled by everyone trying to be the first ones to the bait tank. And all that before you had a line in the water!

Once you dropped your little bait fish into the clear blue-green depths and watching him/her swim out of site, waiting, watching your line for movement, waiting for your line to zoom out signaling you had something big on the other end...All the while, being cautious of all the other fisherpeople and their lines...Don't get them crossed, and go over or under them as you follow your line around the boat. Excited yells of "fish on" when you got something on your line, and "color" when you saw the first glimmer of it in the depths after reeling and reeling and pulling and pulling, and finally "gaff" when you need one of the deckhands to come and hook the fish to bring it aboard. It was really an amazing, exciting experience! I am looking forward to next season for an opportunity to go out again.

It was an experience my Dad would have loved. I sure hope Dad and my Grandpa were smiling down on me...Perhaps they encouraged the 3 fish in my direction...:)

Much love!

My 200th post...

Wow...How is it that I am writing my 200th blog post...It is so hard to believe that all that has happened can fit in to 200 blog posts.  But here we are.

We did the 8th Annual San Diego Brain Tumor Society Walk yesterday.  What an inspirational event.  So many people, so many memories...People in the field working on the research, caregivers, survivors, friends, loved ones...And most importantly, hope.

Jay, Lynda, Rachelle and I were there representing Team Scotch on the Rocks.  The walk is in such a nice place.  Right next to the San Diego River, at Hospitality Point on Mission Bay.  And weather wise, it was warm and humid, and the fog stayed in most of the day, which kept the sun from beating down on us.

This year, there were 570 walkers and we raised over $90,000 to go toward research.

So wonderful and inspirational.  So many thanks to the donations I received.  Thanks to Jay, Lynda, Margie, Rebekah and Jake, and Kristin.

And I thank everyone for the good thoughts and prayers you sent my way, and I am humbled by the hope that surrounded us yesterday...The hope for a cure to this horrible curse.

Much love.