Home Sweet (nursing) Home!

Well, as of about 4:00 pm today, Dorothy is the newest resident of Magnolia. She couldn't have been happier. She was so happy to see all her old friends and so relieved to be out of the hospital.

We haven't told Dad as I wanted her to get settled and checked and organized, and she was exhausted just from the transport. I am thinking that I may bring Dad into her room after his Dr. appointment tomorrow as he will already be in a wheelchair. I think if I explain that Mom has been sick, but she is getting better and she is there to get stronger, and then he sees her, maybe it might be ok. There is just no way to tell. I will probably change my mind 4 times before tomorrow actually comes.:) I think it can't wait too long because she is in the next room and it is only a matter of time before someone says something to him about her.

Mom was telling everyone how happy she was to be there and how comfortable she felt. She told the nurse that she was so scared in the hospital and that she is so relieved to be at Magnolia. They are having a little trouble getting her medications ordered, but my Aunt got them to at least give her some pain medication in the interim.

I just called down there to see how she was, and they said she had been dozing off and on, and that they will give her more pain meds as needed until they receive the official approved medication order.

I am feeling so much better that she is at Magnolia as well. This is the start of another battle for Dorth, and a big one at that. But she has cultivated so many friendships with the staff there over the past 6 months that there isn't a one there that is not ready to encourage her and do what it takes to keep her spirits up and keep her motivated.

I hope she gets a peaceful, quiet, uninterrupted night of sleep. You know in the hospital they wake you to move you, poke you, squeeze you, take your vitals...Who could get a good nights sleep with all that? Mom's roommates supposedly sleep through the night, and they are two ladies that get up in their wheelchairs and roll around most of the day. It is a good place for Mom. She is in the room just before Dad's as you walk toward his room, and she is in the bed farthest from the door, near the sliding glass door. The room is a little bigger than Dad's and it is nice that they are close, but not right in the same room. It will hopefully give them both some incentive to want to get up and out of bed to see the other one. Dorth is ready to run, and that should be a good motivation. I am not sure when they will start the PT, but I bet it is soon.

So, I usually don't blog on Friday and Saturday nights because I know a lot of people don't read over the weekend, but I try to have a fresh entry for everyone on Monday morning. I anticipate it will be a good, tiring, eventful, emotional weekend, so I will give you all the lowdown on Sunday night!

Have a great, safe, happy, fun, sunny, enjoyable weekend!

Much love to all!

Good good good good day!

So the results of the fluid they pulled out of Mom's chest cavity was only that...Just fluid! No infection, no pus, no pneumonia! YAY! In fact, the doctor is planning on writing orders for her to be released tomorrow! We have secured a bed at Magnolia, and if everything goes as planned, she should be seeing Dad and getting comfy in her new, quieter surroundings by tomorrow afternoon!

She was just great today. Starting with the fact that she didn't call me in the morning, which, of course, made me worry about her. I got to the hospital at about 10:3o, and she said she was happy to see me, and when I said that I was happy to see her too, and I was also happy she didn't call me, she said "oh I wanted to."

She actually got quite a few visitors today, and she was able to stay awake long enough to greet everyone. She also surprised me by grabbing a spoon and feeding herself some soup at dinner. She was so proud of herself. She ate pretty good, and although she got tired, she pushed further than she could before. I think that the nourishment is starting to help. She is also off of oxygen, and breathing room air without a problem.

She is so excited to see Dad. She told me that she would need some lipstick, and her minty green nightgown and robe to wear down there.

I am anxious to see what she weighs...She was 90 lbs when she went in (three weeks ago tomorrow), and there has not been much in the way of food intake since then...Should we start a pool?:)

Anyway, it was so good to see her looking good, and having good color and some enthusiasm on getting out and starting her tough road to recovery. It will be bumpy, but as long as we all keep her in good spirits and keep her positive and motivated, she has all the support she needs to be successful.

Thank you for all your good wishes and prayers, for we could not be here without them. And Dorothy will need your strength to push on, and aren't we lucky to have each and every one of you out there to be there for Mom and for all of us.

Hopefully tomorrow's post will be reporting a successful trip to Mom's new digs and reunion with Dad!

Much love!

On the upswing...

Well, the phone rang at 7:24 this morning...So, as I slowly got my butt going this morning, the next phone call at 8:43 warranted a "I am getting in the car now Mom..." And I walk into her room at approximately 8:55, and she commences with her "Oh I am so glad you are here...I know I am a pain in the a$$..." So, I ask her what is so important that I be there so early, and she says (wait for it...) "wait until you see my male nurse...He is gorgeous..." So, incredulously, I ask her "you called me at 7:30 to come down here to see your nurse???" And she nods her little head and says "yah...He's gorgeous!" What else could I do but laugh...

She was in pretty good spirits today, and seems to be getting stronger. They didn't start the tube nourishment until later in the morning, but she still seemed to be doing pretty good. They had seen on her chest x-ray (they do one every day) that she had some fluid gathering around her left lung. She had the same thing a couple weeks ago in ICU on the right side (probably didn't gather on the left at that time because she still had the chest tube in), and they did what they call a thorocentisis where they use and ultrasound to guide a small needle into the chest cavity, and drain fluid from around the lung. So, she had another one today on the left, and they pulled out a half-liter of fluid. It has got to be easier to breathe for her now! The fluid puts pressure on the lung and makes it hard to inflate all the way. They will send the fluid out for tests.

I didn't make it down to see Dad, but my Aunt said that he was up and talking the entire time she was there last night. So, maybe it is just catching him when he is ready to be awake.:) I will see him tomorrow for sure.

Mom got lovely flowers from our cousins Colleen and Gene, and I had an amazing dinner of soup from my Mom's neighbors and a salad from my Aunt and Uncle's lettuce garden. Sometimes the simple things in life mean so much. Thanks to you all, and thanks for checking in on me with phone calls and cards and time spent. You guys out there are my support network and I couldn't do it without your love, prayers, support, and good wishes.

Mom's spirit is up and I hope it continues. If the tube feeding all night does what it is supposed to, then tomorrow promises to be a great day.

Much love!

Another very long day...

So, I was awoken by the ring of my cell phone at 7:36 a.m....I scramble from a dead sleep to grab it and I say "Hello?" absolutely scared to death...And I hear "Amy? Where are you? Come down here..." I try to convince my Mom that it is early and I am sleeping, but she will have none of that. So, I tell her I am on my way. Approximately 30 minutes later as I am getting in the car, I get another call...I answer..."Hello?" And I hear..."Hi Aimee, it is Dr. Bodkin, and I am here in your Mom's room and she wanted me to call you and see where you were..." So, yes, my little Mom has charmed her oncologist to do her bidding...Is anyone surprised?

I get there, prepared to give her a firm talking to about calling me so early, and as I round the doorway into her room, her whole face lights up and she says "Hi honey! I am so glad you are here, I am sorry I called you but I just feel so much safer when you are here..." Damn, what was I going to say to her??? How can you get around that...Wait, dammit! She charmed me too! And I thought I was immune to her...Nope, probably never will be either...And that is just fine with me.:)

Even with the good (albeit early) start, today proved to be another long and traumatic day. They placed her PEG (feeding tube in the abdomen) today. Unfortunately, they had to put in an NG feeding tube (the kind that goes in your nose and down your throat) to prepare for the PEG placement...That was pretty much sheer hell for Mom...And who could blame her? After that, they did the daily chest x-rays, and took her to place the PEG. Under mild sedation and local anesthetic, they placed the tube. She was pretty groggy when she came back up to her room, and pretty much missed a visit with one of the nurses from Magnolia (Dad's nursing home) who stopped by to see her with a card from the staff and flowers for her. I walked out with Ivana (the nurse) and ran an errand, then took some Costco pizza down to see Dad. He didn't wake long enough to even get a taste. Oh well, we will ask the Dr. on Friday if anything else can be causing his sleepiness.

I went back to see Mom, and she was really groggy...Not sure if they went a little heavy on the pain meds because of the procedure, but I was even afraid to give her any food for fear she wouldn't be awake long enough to swallow it. Mom's neighbor Cathy came by to see her, but Mom said a few things and was off to sleep again. The doctor should put in the order for nutrition and she should begin receiving nourishment through the PEG tomorrow. If all goes well, and she can remain pretty stable, there is a chance she may get released sometime in the next week. We just have to wait and see, and hope. I am hoping that there will be room for her at Magnolia when she is released. There is an open bed in the room next to Dad's right now, but all the cards will have to fall into place. We will just have to hope they do. Magnolia is aware, and the marketing director has stopped in to see her a few times, so I know he will do all he can.

I got home tonight and had a yummy Cobb salad courtesy of my friends the Russo's. They were kind enough to leave me a care package of groceries on my doorstep as a wonderful surprise last night when I got home. Just a handful of bags filled with snacks, quick cook meals and fruit...A Godsend...Thank you so much guys...It was nice to have something else for dinner for a change!:) I have soup coming from my parent's neighbor tomorrow. It is truly remarkable how blessed my family is to have such amazing, thoughtful, caring, giving friends and family. You have all touched us in one way or another, and I cannot express how grateful we are to have each and every one of you in our lives. Even caring enough to take the time to read the blog is a kindness in itself. Thank you for that too.

Oh and Lvonne, thank you again in advance for my massage...I will be going next week if all goes well with Mom.

I am off now to enjoy a pudding cup (thanks Joanna and Craig), and I hope to have a positive entry tomorrow!

Much love!

About the same...

I keep thinking Mom will get worse or get better...Of course I am hoping for getting better. But, she continues to stay about the same. Something gets better, and something gets worse. At this point, I think her biggest challenge is to get enough nutrition for her body to run. She is so weak that she is exhausted after a few bites of soup or a few sips of Ensure...Especially if you make her use a straw. So, we talked it over, and she is going to have a feeding tube put in her stomach tomorrow. This will allow her to continue to try to eat with her mouth, but it will allow her to get enough fuel to make her body stronger. They can also give her pills this way so she doesn't have to eat the applesauce with ground up pills in it...Yeck.

She continues to be very tired (also probably from lack of food), and is still having a hard time with pain. She is asking more questions about the future, and what she has in store, and she is much happier when I am there. She calls me each morning about 9:30 (with the help of a nurse) and asks if I am coming and when I will be there. And when I get there, she says "I am so happy you are here, I feel so much safer." And then she usually dozes off if she is comfortable...This is beginning to be a pattern with both parents.:) She still continues to do the open-eye sleeping thing from time to time...And let me tell you, it is creepy! She told me that she scared the heck out of one of the nurses when she came to check on her and she was staring up at the ceiling...Sound asleep. I almost think she forgets to close her eyes. But she counters that with "it feels so good to be able to open both eyes and see!" That has been a good thing...Her left eye is probably 99% back and she is no longer seeing double...If it is not one thing, I guess it is another.

I did get to spend some time with Dad yesterday. I tried to get him to wake up and talk to me, but not so much. We go to the doctor next week, but I don't know why he is so sleepy all the time. I do know that the chemo and radiation can have long term effects and fatigue and lethargy are common. We are weaning him off a steroid that he has been on since before the surgery, which may help. The skin on his arms has been very bad, but seems to be clearing up. This skin is so thin that he gets bruises, almost like big blood blisters, and then the skin splits and he has all of these open ulcers. But, the nursing staff has been diligent about keeping them clean and treated, and they are so much better. This could be a side effect of the steroid, which he should be done with soon. You can't just quit a steroid. Your body has to slowly get used to manufacturing that naturally. So, he should be done in a week or two, and that should help with the skin issues.

Today, he woke and talked to me for about 5 minutes, and then dozed off...And then, so did I. LOL...What a scene we must have been! Him in bed, and me in the chair...Snooozin'. Ah well, when I did go to leave, I went to tell him goodbye, and he got a little chatty. But that was short-lived, and I am sure he was asleep by the time I was out of the building.

Here is to hoping for a week of good progress and successes.

Much love!

A tough day for Mom...

Poor Mom, not that she doesn't have enough to deal with, but this morning brought her so many frustrating little inconveniences, it put ME in tears.

First of all, her PICC line got blocked somehow, so they were unable to give her the IV pain medication, and then, instead of doing her chest x-ray from the room, they wanted another view so she went down to x-ray for it. And the poor x-ray tech tried to pull her up and accidentally pulled out her catheter...Um yah...That had to hurt...Real bad. When they got her back up to the room, they put in a peripheral IV line until they could get the PICC unclogged, which took 3 tries...Poor thing was just getting beat left and right. It was so hard to see this...It makes me feel so helpless.

She still is not eating enough. The doctor who was originally treating her in the ICU came back today, and he did not seem to be as concerned with putting the feeding tube back in. He said that he would rather try and stimulate her appetite and try to get her eating more. It is tough though, it is a vicious circle...The simple act of chewing and drinking makes her tired, so she doesn't really eat much, which makes her body weak, which makes chewing and drinking make her tired. And she is not only not getting enough nutrition to help her to get strong, she is also having problems with her electrolytes, and they are having to give her potassium and magnesium supplements to keep her in balance.

She does seem to be sleeping better and seems more, I don't know, calm...Or present...Which is good. She was really cute tonight. She was asking who all I had spoken to, and if I hadn't spoken to someone she thought I should have, she chastised me a bit. She asked how my dog Newman was, and then a few minutes later, asked me how "Tiffy" was. Now, Tiffy was my dog growing up, who has been gone about 16 years. So, I told her that we didn't have Tiffy anymore and she said "well then, who do I have?" So, I told her that she didn't have a dog, but she enjoyed when Newman came over for visits. She said, "oh yah."

I stayed a little later than normal, so I didn't make it down to see Dad today. I hate missing a day, but I know that the CNAs take good care of him, and he most likely will have slept the evening away anyhow. I will go tomorrow for sure.

As I was telling Mom goodnight, I told her to have sweet dreams...And she said "yah, me and my imaginary Tiffy." Then she sort of cocked her head to the side and said "do you think it is because of the stoke?" So, I told her that her brain is trying to make some of those connections that were lost, and that some of that may happen in the process. She is actually pretty with it for all that has happened.

Just got to get her strong and healthy...Got to try each and every day!

Much love.

So many emotions for one day...

Well, there will be good days, and their will be not as good days. Today for Mom was good, but not as good as yesterday. They did a chest x-ray this morning, which they do every morning, and it did not look as good as yesterday's. She appears to be getting a fluid buildup around her lungs. This can have implications with breathing, but can also cause congestive heart failure. They are giving her diuretics to try and help her body to clear that stuff out. I will be anxious to see how tomorrow's x-ray turns out.



Also, after a lot of futzing, I think today's nurse may have gotten close to balancing out her pain meds so she is not in excruciating pain half the time. I sure hope so. I am not sure if it was the pain or something else, but she is just not eating enough food to make her body function. The doctor wants to put the feeding tube back in, so they can at least give her the nutrition her body needs to help her get strong. She is unsure about that, so I told her that she needs to sleep on it, and we would talk about it in the morning. She was just so tiny to begin with, she doesn't have the mass to go too many days without proper nutrition.



I saw Dad for a few minutes today. He woke up just for a little while and I was able to share some good and miraculous news I got today with him. My wonderful, strong, funny, down-to-Earth friend found out last month that she would be battling lymphoma for the third time. The last time, the chemo did so much damage to her heart that she had 2 open heart surgeries in 4 months, and it still doesn't work quite right because of that. So, the news that she would have to go through treatment again in her 39th year of life was almost too much to bear. She called today, and then sent out and email announcing that, through some strange lymph system condition that can be caused by Hodgkin's Disease, the biopsies came back negative, and she is cancer free!!!!!!!!!! They had gone so far as to put in her port for the chemo, and the doctors planned on using a chemo formula from the 50's to avoid any further damage to her heart. My Dad was so happy, and he started crying and could not believe how amazing and great the news was, and...Then he dozed off. I waited a few minutes and came home.


Then, on Facebook, I was contacted by one of my good friends throughout Jr. High and High school. A wonderful surprise after 19 years. I knew she had married a guy from our school, and as I read into her profile, I realized that he passed away over Thanksgiving.



What a heart-wrenching, joyous, maddening day. So many hi's and low's in just one day is hard for me to deal wit

So many blessings today...

Although today for me started a little rough, when my Mom called me at 7:00 a.m. to yell at me because she was really mad...It proved to be a truly miraculous day. I spent a couple hours at the hospital with her this morning, and she was nothing but mad and frustrated with me (well, that is what she said...What she meant was that she was mad and frustrated at the situation). She had pulled out her feeding tube during the night, and then got even madder when I told her that she was in pain because she had removed one of the methods for her to receive medication. I got used to this anger and irrationality with my Dad, and I still think that beyond the understandable frustration with being so confused, that a lot has to do with the nicotine. The hospital doctor still refuses to give her a patch.

But, tonight, when I arrived to find her eating dinner with the help of our good friend Patty, with her chest tube removed, her cheeks looking rosy, and a smile on her face when she said "Aimee! I am drinking decaf coffee," my heart just sang. She proceeded to tell me that PT had come by and they had her sit in a chair for about an hour to eat her lunch, and that Dr. Moore (the radiation doctor) came by to tell her that her chylothorax had healed on it's own and she would not need surgery to repair it! She was the best I have seen her look in a very long time.

She was in better spirits this evening partly because my Aunt and Uncle came down and gave her a pep talk which seemed to make a big difference. I am hoping that some of that attitude continues on. She needs to keep up that spirit for the journey ahead.

I did stop to see Dad, but he slept...Again.

I go to sleep tonight with a sigh of relief, some silent prayers, grateful for the gifts we have been given, and a hope for peace and strength and patience in the days to come...And also hoping Mom doesn't call me at the crack of dawn to yell at me again...Who gave that woman a phone???:)

Much love and gratitude.

So long ICU!

So, this evening, they moved my Mom upstairs, out of the ICU! YAY! They have stopped the TPN (intravenous nourishment), and started giving her a formula through her feeding tube. If she tolerates that well, then on to some real food, I hope!

One drawback, she has a phone in this room. So far, since I left at 7:00 she has had the nurses call me 3 times. And, she doesn't even want me...She wants to talk to my Uncle, actually, she wants him to come down. I still think it is our old friend nicotine rearing it's ugly head. I didn't get a chance to talk to the doc today, so tomorrow, I will see if we can get that thing reinstated. So, we will just have to see how it all works out.

Dad might have caught a bug that has been running through the nursing home. He seemed to be feeling better today, and he doesn't have a fever or anything, so hopefully it was a fluke.

I am looking forward to tomorrow morning, in hopes that we can see what the next steps are with Mom. But, I am also so grateful that it was not just my imagination that she was getting better...She really was!

Still not out of the woods, but the trees are beginning to thin out a little...I will take it!

Much love!

And the weekend pushed on...

The weekend brought more of the same with Mom. Which is a good thing in my book. Her body is getting stronger and healing, and her emotional state and frustration seems to decline a bit. She did complain of pain today, but she has to be sore from just laying in bed...Not to mention the IV's, chest tube, incisions and such. They do a pretty good job keeping up with her pain level, but they have to almost be schooled with my Mom...No one my Mom's size should require as much pain meds as she does...But, with her constant back pain, she would take Vicodin pretty regularly. That makes a difference for sure.

I am looking forward to talking to the ICU doctor tomorrow as they were discussing maybe trying some solid food to see the state of her lymph duct. She has been saying she is hungry...My favorite is when she ordered me to call Pat and Oscar's so she could have a chicken! I also want to see if he will let them put another nicotine patch on her...The weekend doctor discontinued it at some point this weekend, and I knew it first thing when I walked in this morning...I can tell when she is very mad and frustrated AT ME, and only me, it is a sure sign of nicotine withdrawal. So I hope they can give her something...The nurse today told me they started her on Lexapro, and anti-depressant, so hopefully that will also help.

Dad was good today too. I went and we watched some of the Steeler game together, and then he dozed off. So, I headed back to Mom, and she was sleeping soundly.

The start of another week...Hard to believe that it has already been 10 days...10 eventful, emotional, frightening, frustrating, purposeful, enlightening days.

Much love.

Stable today...

Mom was not much better, but not much worse today...I will take all I can get. She did get several hours of eyes closed, mouth open, snoring sleep today though...Finally. That has got to help her body. They also are futzing (I know...Nice medical term...) with her antibiotics. They took a chest x-ray and her lungs looked a little more "wet" (the Dr.'s word, not mine), which could indicate pneumonia. So they are trying to fight that off by keeping her on oxygen, encouraging her to cough and antibiotics.

They also gave her a pint of blood (packed red cells) today to help her body to get stronger. They also removed her CV line they put in during the surgery (the one in her neck where they can draw blood and deliver meds) and put in a PIC line (a more permanent intravenous line that can stay in for several weeks).

Her vitals were more stable today, and they continued to test all of her fluids on a pretty regular basis.

She is growing more frustrated and depressed, so I just keep telling her how strong she is and to keep fighting...Sometimes she's with me and sometimes she isn't. I just keep on pushing her to be positive and to keep being strong.

Also talked to a radiologist today about the issue she is having with the fluid in the chest tube. She has what is called a chylothorax, where one of the lymph ducts has a tear in it...In this case, the thoracic duct. As I said, the treatment now is to feed her intravenously to give the duct a chance to heal. The radiologist said it is about a 50/50 chance it will heal on it's own. The ICU doctor said he would wait 7 days and try some different nutrition to see if there was any progress. The radiologist told us of some other options to repair this if it does not heal on it's own...None of them have a great success rate because the little tube or duct we are talking about is so tiny...Less than 1 millimeter in some cases. So, the doctor told us of a couple options that we may have to look at if she gets better from everything else, and the lymph duct continues to be a problem...But that is at least a week away. So, for now, I am just hoping that a little luck...Ok, a lot of luck swings our way and she continues to improve, AND the lymph duct heals on it's own.

I saw Dad for awhile, but he was pretty sleepy. So, I sat with him, and read my book for about an hour, kissed him goodnight and went back to see Mom. She said she was tired, so I left in hopes she would get more sleep...And I could get some shut eye myself.

So, onward we push...Day by day, moment by moment...Hoping, praying and being thankful (me), and healing (Mom).

Much love.

Today brought some pseudo sleep for Mom. At least I think it did. I spent a few hours with her this morning, and although her eyes were open, I do believe she was getting some much needed rest.

Her vitals were lower today, but, I think they were borderline on "too" low. Her heart rate was down around 78, and her blood pressure was like 72/41. They were doing their best to keep her stable. She did perk up a little in the afternoon, and she was repeating her paranoid stories from yesterday to my Aunt. She was not insisting on the ice chips like she was yesterday, and she had shifted a bit thinking she was at home. Just taking one day at a time...

I have systematically run into most of the doctors who treated her when she went in for her eye in December, and Dr. Zu, my Dad's oncologist, and then this afternoon, the doctor that performed the carotid surgery on Mom in October. When I told him what had happened, he went in and looked at her records, and came in to tell me that her carotids looked good. He was afraid something had happened with what he had worked on. He is a good doctor, pretty cocky though. He was actually quite sympathetic, and said he would come back and see her when she was awake...Boy was she bummed she slept through seeing the "handsome" doctor!

I did see Dad for about 20 minutes...I was there over an hour, but he fell asleep.:)

Today was a bit more of a struggle for me. As time passes, the level of emotion waxes and wanes...I am sure it is all normal...But I do know what they mean when they say you have the "weight of the world on your shoulders," because I do. When I get up in the morning, my arms feel so heavy that they almost feel that they will pull from their sockets, and that my shoulders are being pulled so hard by gravity. But hey, if I make it out of bed in the morning, I have conquered the first of the day's battles! Thank goodness for the tremendous love and support that surrounds me...I have heard the saying "it takes a village," but I always thought it referred to raising a child, not me...:) Either way, I am a lucky girl to have what I have, and who I have.

Much love and hope.

Categorically better today...

Well, Mom seemed stronger today, and her vital signs looked better..But she was a little paranoid and hallucinating...Hmmm. I remember going through this with Dad, and I know it will pass, but it is still pretty exhausting trying to convince her that the ICU staff is not out to get her...Ah well...

The results of the MRI came back inconclusive for the tear in her lymph duct. The doctor said it is very small and very hard to see on any kind of test. However, they have put her on TPN or Total Parenteral Nutrition, which translates to feeding her intravenously. This ensures her body gets the proper amount of nutrition, and will hopefully give this tear (wherever it is) a chance to heal on it's own. She is allowed ice chips and sips of water now...I guess her swallowing is ok enough to handle it in small doses, but she has been begging for water and ice, and now that she has it, she can't get enough. She demands more ice even though she already has a piece in her mouth. The doctor said that because they have her so hydrated with saline, the salt ratio may be a little elevated in her body, making her think she is thirsty.

All in all, despite her agitation and confusion today, and a little bit of negative talk, she really did seem to me to be a little bit better.

I did see Dad for a little while. He was kind of talkative today, and in quite a good mood. He did bring Mom up once, but I sort of steered him away from the subject, and told him that she was resting...Not really a lie...It is so funny that with all that has happened, and after being an adult for all these years, I still have a hard time lying to my Dad.

Well, hoping tomorrow continues to show improvement.

Much love.

So tired...

Well, Mom was definitely not as spunky today. She seemed to be having less pain, which is good, but she still doesn't seem like she is sleeping, so I think she is just exhausted. She did eat about 75% of her breakfast though, so that was encouraging.

Also, she had some lymphatic leakage into her chest tube, so they did an MRI to see where that was coming from. We are still waiting for the results.

I saw Dad for about an hour today. He was doing really well and actually quite sweet and chatty...Well, chatty may be stretching it a bit, but he was awake and seemed to be in good spirits.

I went and saw my Mom for a few minutes tonight. She said she was tired and told me it was time for me to go home. I am a little worried because her heart rate was irregular, and the night nurse was doing some tests and keeping the doctor informed. They were beginning an EKG when I was leaving. Her blood pressure was pretty good, but she also had a little bit of a fever.

So, just keep up with those prayers and good thoughts, if you will.

Much love.

Damn nicotine...

Well...I am so glad that my friend mentioned to me last night that she must be going through nicotine withdrawels...How the heck could I forget that??? Well, they gave her a patch today, and in addition to futzing with her pain meds and a few other things, today was a better day.

Mom was still frustrated and upset, but she was also being very sweet and making a few jokes. At one point she told me she was standing by the side of the bed, and I told her "No, Mom, you weren't doing that..." Well, the nurse came in and corrected me and said that the PT had her stand up. So, score one for Dorothy! Now, I am not sure how assisted she was, but it still seems like good news to me.

We are not out of the woods yet, but hoping it will get a little better each day...Each moment.

I saw Dad today...But he was particularly tired, because he shooed my uncle out in the morning because he was going to nap, and he was sound asleep the whole time I was there, and was not interested in opening his eyes. I left the Charger game on (how depressing), and went to see Mom.

More hopes for tomorrow...Much love!

Ongoing devastation...

Well, it goes from bad to worse...To unfathomable.

It turns out Mom also had a small heart attack yesterday afternoon. They are keeping her blood pressure elevated to help perfuse blood into her brain, and that puts stress on the heart and may have caused a heart attack. There is no visible damage to the heart muscle at this time, but she had an abnormal rhythm, and the cardiac enzyme in her blood was elevated.

They cannot treat the heart issue, as it would usually require blood thinners, which would cause further bleeding in the brain,and perhaps the lung.

She also has a high white count which usually indicated infection, so they are giving her tons of antibiotics.

So, they are doing all they can to prevent any further issues, while still trying to maintain the old ones...And those things are contradictory...

She was very combative today...But who could blame her? I am hoping that the feistyness is a good sign and mean she will continue to fight to get better.

Please no visitors for now. I am so thankful for all your support. If you are asking yourself how I am getting through this??? The answer is I am not...But time keeps going anyway. With the love and support of family and friends, I am somehow still standing up...So far.

Much love and hope.

It keeps getting worse.....

Well, I was awoken early this morning by a phone call from the ICU.  Mom had a large stroke in the middle of the night.  It is on the right side of her brain, and she has no use of her left arm or leg.  As of now, she is still speaking, and has her memory and knows what is going on.

They think she had a blood clot break loose and cause the stroke.  She is not a candidate for TPA, the clot-busting miracle drug because she just had the surgery, and you don't want to break loose the clots that have formed from that.

The next 48 hours are critical.  They are trying to control the swelling in her brain.

I am just trying to fathom it all.  I have been surrounded by family and friends all day, just waiting.  This makes it difficult for her to recover from the surgery, and puts her at a higher risk for pneumonia and other complications.

Please keep Mom in your prayers...I know you guys have been great so far, but we need more...Thank you.

Much love.

Surgery was a success...It has been a little dodgy after that...

Well, the surgery itself was a great success! The Dr. used a camera scope and was able to do the surgery with a small incision (3-4 inches), and did not have to break any ribs. The tumor margins were clean and there is no evidence of any involvement of the lymph nodes. Super super news!

The surgery started a little later than they thought, but it was only about an hour (just like the Dr. had said), and it was over and the Dr. came out to talk to us around 2:00 or so...So when they hadn't come to let me know she was in her room by 4:30, I was a little concerned. Typically, recovery is about 2 hours. I asked and they told me she would be in recovery another hour or so. So, I grabbed a sandwich from the cafeteria, and patiently waited until about 5:45. They called over to ICU and told me they needed about 10 more minutes to get her settled. So, I went over to the Surgical ICU waiting room, and about 10 minutes later, a nurse named George came over to talk to me. He told me he had been taking care of her all afternoon, and they were really struggling to control her pain.

He said that they gave her what was supposed to be a long-lasting epidural, but were afraid to give her too much medication for her size, so they didn't give her enough. Once that wore off, they could not curb her pain. For being so tiny, Mom has a huge tolerance for pain medication. She has had incredible back pain most of her life, and it isn't unusual for her to take Vicodin for her back. Well, this really puzzles the nursing staff, as they are giving her Dilaudid and Morphine, and it only lasts a short while. By the time I got into see her (she is in the same ICU room as my Dad was when he came out of surgery), all she could tell me was that she needed help and was hurting and she could not get comfortable. She would start to doze off and then wake back up asking for help. The nurse said that this surgery is very painful, and she wasn't surprised Mom was hurting.

Well, after 3 doses of Morphine and 2 Vicodin in just over an hour, the nurse suggested I leave so she could rest...I just now called back to talk to her nurse, and he told me that they had over medicated her and her respiration dropped too low, so they had to counteract the pain meds, and voila' she was in pain again. I hope tonight and tomorrow bring her some relief. It was a really big day.

I left the hospital and went to see my Dad for a few minutes, ran to Bed, Bath and Beyond and got him a new microwave heat pad (since the nursing home decided to wash his other one...Even though it said "DO NOT WASH" in big black letters on it), and came home. I made a few calls, fed and walked the pooch, and I am just about to fall into bed and pass out...:)

So, Mom will probably be in ICU for the next day or two, unless they cannot figure out how to control her pain, then maybe longer. We will just have to wait and hope for a better tomorrow.

Thank you for all your good thoughts and prayers! Thank you for your calls and texts and to Paula, Johanna and Judy for keeping me company, and Jay Carlson for once again being our O.R. Angel and giving us periodic updates. I still continue to be pleasantly amazed at how fortunate we are to be surrounded by such wonderful, caring, thoughtful friends and family. Thank you all!

Much love and hope!

The Big Day!

Tomorrow is the big day...Surgery starts at 12:10...I hope the surgeon has a good breakfast or brunch...:)

Today was a rough day for Mom. Of course she is scared, and worried about Dad while she will be recovering, and wanting to have everything in order, and the surgery itself. She was just frazzled today. I did get her to calm down a few times though. After Dad's appointment with the radiation oncologist, she and I walked over to the dentist's office...Always a smiling face and a hug to be found there. That did her good. Then we went to lunch and she relaxed a little there. She managed to wind herself up between lunch and when I got her to go down and see Dad at 5:30, but she calmed down over dinner and then we went over to see my Aunt and Uncle's new Chocolate Lab puppy...It is amazing how a puppy can just make everything seem just a little bit better...:) And Buddy is no exception. He is 12 weeks old today and cute as can be...Big, but cute! And has the best temperament. Anyway, we probably stayed a little too late visiting Buddy, well chatting, as Buddy fell asleep and was having little puppy running dreams on the floor, but I was trying to keep Mom from having too much time to think about tomorrow.

Dad went to see the radiation oncologist today, and he seems to think everything is going pretty well. He agrees with the chemo oncologist that we should wean him off of the steroid, and he thinks that may be contributing to Dad's skin issues. One can only hope...

Anyway, I am gonna hit the hay and hope for the best tomorrow...Thanks to all for your good thoughts and great prayers (thanks Lori), and I will post an update tomorrow.

Goodnight.

Taking the bull by the horns...

Well, Mom and I went to the thoracic surgeon yesterday. She was fully convinced she was going to talk him into postphoning the procedure...She finally caved when he told her that if she waits, she could be dead in a year or two...That worked pretty well.

So, Mom is scheduled to have surgery on Thursday. She will be in ICU for a few days after surgery, and 4-5 days in the hospital in total. The Dr. said he will try to work in as small an area as possible, but he may have to remove a couple ribs...Yikes! She is just so tiny, and he needs to get in between her ribs to remove the lower lobe...Ugh...Sounds painful to me! But the surgery should last about an hour or so.

Mom is scared, as to be expected, but I think she knows she needs to get it taken care of. She goes for her pre-op blood work today.

She is worried about Dad, and how he will handle not seeing her for awhile. I told her we would do our best to keep him thinking she is just feeling under the weather...He doesn't have a good grasp on the concept of time anyway. I think he will be just fine.

He has been having some issues with the skin on his hands, arms and neck/shoulders. It starts as red bruising, almost like blood blisters, and then the skin splits, and he has an open skin ulcer. They cause him a lot of pain. It is difficult because he still is very cold, but now it hurts him to have the blankets on his hands. I have been working with the nurses and his doctors to try and find out why this has just recently started. He really has not had much change in his medication or anything, and it is not like he is really getting out of bed much to have people tugging on his skin or anything, so it is just a puzzle. We are researching side effects of his meds to see if we can find a connection.

We are going for a follow up visit with the radiation oncologist tomorrow...Maybe he will have some insight...:)

Anyway, 2009 is on it's way! And let's go Chargers in Pittsburgh...(S0rry Lvonne;...Oh, and Steph).

Much love!