Made it through another day...A little less crying, which was difficult because I was reminded how many special people are in my life. I got emails, cards, flowers, hugs, IM's and more. So many who love me and loved Tucker, who care enough to take the time out of their busy lives to share that. So many blessings...
I saw Dad yesterday and for a few minutes last night. He seems to be doing well, but he is still confused. It is weird, because it is not really confusion, but just so random. I really thought I blew it big time last night. Just as we were leaving, Dad said "so, just one more thing, I think you ought to put my shoe in the car." I asked "which car?" He said "my car...In case I want to drive up to Barona later" So, I say "your car is at home in the garage." Well, this just destroyed him. He kept telling me that I had ruined all of his plans and he was almost crying. It just broke my heart.
I have such a hard time trying to figure out what I am supposed to tell him. I am hesitant to tell him "ok Dad, I will put the shoe in your car for you," but I also don't want to break his heart over and over. I guess the good news is that tonight, he had forgotten all about it. Tonight, when I was telling him about taking Mom on Thursday to UCSD, he said "I might drive up there too..." I diverted and changed the subject and he was none the wiser. I just hate to patronize him, but I am just not sure what the best way is to handle it all. One day at a time...;)
Much love!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Back to the grind...
Well, back at work...I'm kind of a hot mess...Fine one minute, sobbing the next. I guess people should be used to it by now.
I took my little guy to my vet this morning to be cremated. He will be cremated with all the other animals that have passed and his ashes will be scattered at sea. He loved the beach and going swimming in the water there, and he will be with other dogs he can play with. It is as it should be.
I took Mom to the vascular surgeon today. The doctor that handled Mom's case while she was in the hospital prescribed her Plavix, which is a blood thinner. When the vascular surgeon (Dr. Terramani) found this out, he was mad. She has to be off the medication 10-14 days before they can operate. So, she will probably have the surgery later this month. He discussed the use of a stent instead of surgery, but she really is a better candidate for the endartectomy, which includes a small incision in the neck, cleaning out of the artery, and closing everything back up. It is a fairly simple procedure, but it is still major surgery. He said there is very little pain, and she will just have to spend one night in the hospital. She is very anxious to get it taken care of. And so am I, because it does increase her risk of stroke.
The other good news is that I got a call from the Shiley Eye Center, and Mom's referral and authorization came through for the neuro-opthamologist. And the other blessing is that they had a cancellation and her appointment to see Dr. Levi is this Thursday. I have to get all the tests from Grossmont so Dr. Levi will have something to look at. I am very pleased that she is getting in so quickly. I am not sure it is going to make any difference because we have had so many skilled doctors look into this, but Dr. Levi is my one last hope that she finds some cause.
I am going to see Dad tonight. I didn't end up going yesterday because I just wasn't up to it. I needed to take a day for me, so I did. But tonight, I will go see Dad. I am pretty sure he is done with his chemo treatment for the month, and as far as I know, other than the taste issue, he really hasn't had any side effects. Some blessings are small but mighty.
I will write more when I get home tonight about how Dad is, but for now, I need to get some work done...;)
Much love.
I took my little guy to my vet this morning to be cremated. He will be cremated with all the other animals that have passed and his ashes will be scattered at sea. He loved the beach and going swimming in the water there, and he will be with other dogs he can play with. It is as it should be.
I took Mom to the vascular surgeon today. The doctor that handled Mom's case while she was in the hospital prescribed her Plavix, which is a blood thinner. When the vascular surgeon (Dr. Terramani) found this out, he was mad. She has to be off the medication 10-14 days before they can operate. So, she will probably have the surgery later this month. He discussed the use of a stent instead of surgery, but she really is a better candidate for the endartectomy, which includes a small incision in the neck, cleaning out of the artery, and closing everything back up. It is a fairly simple procedure, but it is still major surgery. He said there is very little pain, and she will just have to spend one night in the hospital. She is very anxious to get it taken care of. And so am I, because it does increase her risk of stroke.
The other good news is that I got a call from the Shiley Eye Center, and Mom's referral and authorization came through for the neuro-opthamologist. And the other blessing is that they had a cancellation and her appointment to see Dr. Levi is this Thursday. I have to get all the tests from Grossmont so Dr. Levi will have something to look at. I am very pleased that she is getting in so quickly. I am not sure it is going to make any difference because we have had so many skilled doctors look into this, but Dr. Levi is my one last hope that she finds some cause.
I am going to see Dad tonight. I didn't end up going yesterday because I just wasn't up to it. I needed to take a day for me, so I did. But tonight, I will go see Dad. I am pretty sure he is done with his chemo treatment for the month, and as far as I know, other than the taste issue, he really hasn't had any side effects. Some blessings are small but mighty.
I will write more when I get home tonight about how Dad is, but for now, I need to get some work done...;)
Much love.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Rest in Peace my little beloved brown and white boy...
My glorious little dog Tucker passed away in my arms this morning. He had a very bad night, and I was getting ready to take him to be put down. I had made an appointment for Wednesday, not knowing he would go downhill so fast. But waiting for Mom to come get me, he died in my arms, which is how it should have been.So, after 3,876 days on this earth, my little guy is somewhere, playing and running through the grass in and endless field with all of his 
favorite toys and not having to share them with anyone.
favorite toys and not having to share them with anyone.I got Tucker when he was 10 weeks old. I was married and had always wanted a Jack Russell Terrier. When we saw this little, tiny brown and white puppy, we had to take a look. We were babysitting my friend's little girl (who is now 15), and when we got in the little room, he ran right to Haely and sat in her lap. I was sold.
I named him Tucker, and I really can't tell you why. We treated him like a child, and because of that, he acted like a person. He had feelings and opinions, and a vocabulary of about 50 words. He drove me crazy because he would bark, but he really thought he was talking, and couldn't 
figure out why we couldn't understand him. He really thought he was a person, and when we got Newman, he was always a little skeptical of this "dog" we brought home. I always said that Newman was my dog and Tucker was my 2-year old child.
figure out why we couldn't understand him. He really thought he was a person, and when we got Newman, he was always a little skeptical of this "dog" we brought home. I always said that Newman was my dog and Tucker was my 2-year old child.He was sold to us as an unregistered Jack Russell. Then he grew into this greyhound shaped, long-legged, deer-like dog. I used to get into arguements with people at the dog park, because they would ask me what he was, and when I said "Jack Russel" they would say, "no he isn't." 
But he was all Jack Russell. Inquisitive, aware, and incredibly intelligent. I learned so much about myself from him...From the little things, like I always say "alright" before I say goodbye to someone on the phone, to the last thing I do in the morning is put on my shoes...He knew these patterns and would get up when either of these things happened because he knew something was about to happen....To the big things, like the divorce and enduring his tremendous illness November, '06-April of '07...I know that if I had not experienced that difficult time, all of the things going on right now would have simply crushed me. But, that experience helped me to be patient, ask lots of questions, look for solutions, and most importantly, that it is ok to cry.
But he was all Jack Russell. Inquisitive, aware, and incredibly intelligent. I learned so much about myself from him...From the little things, like I always say "alright" before I say goodbye to someone on the phone, to the last thing I do in the morning is put on my shoes...He knew these patterns and would get up when either of these things happened because he knew something was about to happen....To the big things, like the divorce and enduring his tremendous illness November, '06-April of '07...I know that if I had not experienced that difficult time, all of the things going on right now would have simply crushed me. But, that experience helped me to be patient, ask lots of questions, look for solutions, and most importantly, that it is ok to cry.I will miss the way he used to go crazy for my hair clips and for the duck toy that goes "quack-quack-quack-quack." I will miss the way he would sit on the stairs with his butt one step up 
from his front paws...He looked like a gargoyle. I will miss the way he would snuggle his head on my chest if you blew on his face while holding him. I will miss how he would come and paw at the covers when he was cold and wanted to get under them. I will miss how he would pull all the stuffing out of his toys, and would still love to carry around the empty shell. I will miss how he loved to play fetch, and would go around and greet all the humans at the dog park before playing with the dogs.
from his front paws...He looked like a gargoyle. I will miss the way he would snuggle his head on my chest if you blew on his face while holding him. I will miss how he would come and paw at the covers when he was cold and wanted to get under them. I will miss how he would pull all the stuffing out of his toys, and would still love to carry around the empty shell. I will miss how he loved to play fetch, and would go around and greet all the humans at the dog park before playing with the dogs.I will always be thankful to you Tucker. You have been so special to me, and you have helped to get me through some pretty hard times. And provided some pretty hard times for us to get through together. I am so sorry you had to suffer at the end. As much as I knew it was coming, it just came so fast. I am so grateful to have been a part of your wonderful little life.
Bless you sweet puppy. I will miss you...A little piece of my heart accompanies you to your next destination.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Emotional rollercoaster...
When one thing gets better, something else gets worse...My sweet little dog is declining fast. He is really having a tough time. My poor little brown and white baby.
The good news, is that the appointment with Dr. Uhl on Friday. Dr. Uhl thought he looked great and seemed alert and well. Dr. Uhl is frustrated, just as we are, that he is not getting more PT. I have a message into my friend "Debbie" with Sharp Health Care to see what else we can do. We don't go back to see him until January, and they will do an MRI in early December to see how successful all of this treatment has been.
Did you see that Senator Kennedy went back into the hospital? He had a small seizure, and they are saying that it was due to a change in his medication. Dad is still on the Decadron, which is a steroid that controls swelling (for his brain), and he still takes his Keppra, which is an anti-seizure medication. So far, so good, but Dr. Uhl said that Dr. Zu may change the dosage. I guess we will find out when we go see Dr. Zu at the end of the October.
So, I went to see Dad today, and I took him a Costco hot dog and a diet Coke. This was a favorite meal of his that he would get on his weekly trip to Costco before he got sick. He had told me that he likes ketchup, mustard and onions, so I put on ketchup, mustard and onions...And he took one bite, screwed up his face and said "ew, there is a taste in there that I don't like...It is the same taste as all the food here." And he said, "here is a piece," and stuck out his tongue and it had an onion on it. So I scraped the onions off and gave him another bite. He said it was better, but he didn't care for it. And then, I gave him a sip of his diet Coke, and he looked at me, and said "you know, I sure like the other better..." I said "you mean the milkshake?" And he said "well yah." So, I have a feeling that his taste buds are being effected by the chemo again. He loves his cinnamon rolls and milkshakes and candy though...:)
Funny story about the hot dog...As I was trying to get him to eat it, he asked my what my plans were tonight. I was supposed to go to the Aztec Football game, but it ended up that my little dog was doing so poorly that I didn't want to leave him, so I stayed home. But when I told Dad that I was going with Jay and Jim, he said "I have a great idea, wrap up the rest of that hot dog and take it with you to eat." I said "you should eat it, we will find food." And he said "no, you wrap that up and take it with you and tell the guys it is from me...Just for fun..." I am not sure if he just didn't realize exactly what he was saying, or if he was being creative in trying not to have to eat any more of the hot dog without hurting my feelings.
He seemed pretty good to me today, but Mom said he was a little fussy with her tonight. I am going to try to make it down tomorrow, but it depends on how Tucker is doing.
Mom and I go see the vascular surgeon on Monday. Will let you know how that goes.
Much love.
The good news, is that the appointment with Dr. Uhl on Friday. Dr. Uhl thought he looked great and seemed alert and well. Dr. Uhl is frustrated, just as we are, that he is not getting more PT. I have a message into my friend "Debbie" with Sharp Health Care to see what else we can do. We don't go back to see him until January, and they will do an MRI in early December to see how successful all of this treatment has been.
Did you see that Senator Kennedy went back into the hospital? He had a small seizure, and they are saying that it was due to a change in his medication. Dad is still on the Decadron, which is a steroid that controls swelling (for his brain), and he still takes his Keppra, which is an anti-seizure medication. So far, so good, but Dr. Uhl said that Dr. Zu may change the dosage. I guess we will find out when we go see Dr. Zu at the end of the October.
So, I went to see Dad today, and I took him a Costco hot dog and a diet Coke. This was a favorite meal of his that he would get on his weekly trip to Costco before he got sick. He had told me that he likes ketchup, mustard and onions, so I put on ketchup, mustard and onions...And he took one bite, screwed up his face and said "ew, there is a taste in there that I don't like...It is the same taste as all the food here." And he said, "here is a piece," and stuck out his tongue and it had an onion on it. So I scraped the onions off and gave him another bite. He said it was better, but he didn't care for it. And then, I gave him a sip of his diet Coke, and he looked at me, and said "you know, I sure like the other better..." I said "you mean the milkshake?" And he said "well yah." So, I have a feeling that his taste buds are being effected by the chemo again. He loves his cinnamon rolls and milkshakes and candy though...:)
Funny story about the hot dog...As I was trying to get him to eat it, he asked my what my plans were tonight. I was supposed to go to the Aztec Football game, but it ended up that my little dog was doing so poorly that I didn't want to leave him, so I stayed home. But when I told Dad that I was going with Jay and Jim, he said "I have a great idea, wrap up the rest of that hot dog and take it with you to eat." I said "you should eat it, we will find food." And he said "no, you wrap that up and take it with you and tell the guys it is from me...Just for fun..." I am not sure if he just didn't realize exactly what he was saying, or if he was being creative in trying not to have to eat any more of the hot dog without hurting my feelings.
He seemed pretty good to me today, but Mom said he was a little fussy with her tonight. I am going to try to make it down tomorrow, but it depends on how Tucker is doing.
Mom and I go see the vascular surgeon on Monday. Will let you know how that goes.
Much love.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The weekend is ALMOST here...:)
Coming to the end of a long week. I went down to see Dad tonight. He started the double dose of chemo last night, and when I asked him how he was feeling today, he looked at me quizzically and said "well...Pretty good...Why?" so I told him he started the chemo last night and he was really surprised. So, we agreed, no news is good news...:) Now he has 4 more days of the double dose, and then he will be off of them for 28 days.
He was pretty good tonight. My Mom was a little tired today, and the brightness is really bothering her eyes...Or eye. She says that even her dark sunglasses don't help. I am still struggling to get the referral to the neuro-opthamologist. I thought I had it all worked out, and UCSD called me today to tell me that the referral came over incomplete, and it would be another day or two until they can set the appointment. I swear...Can't something be easy?
Speaking of something being easy, I got a call from the Home Owner's Association today, and they are sending out their plumber to put a camera down into my main sewer line to check out the tree damage...But of course I have to wait for them to call to set up an appointment. Sheesh.
We go see Dr. Uhl again tomorrow. It is Dad's follow up on radiation. Not sure what it will all entail, but I know I want to be sure and discuss Dad's taste buds (not sure if he really doesn't want to eat, or if he just knows we will give him milkshakes and apple fritters anyway...). I also want to know when the MRI will be scheduled to see how successful these treatments have been. I am also a little surprised that Dad is so confused. I was hoping that when the swelling went down in his brain, he would be a little less confused with everything. When I got there tonight, he asked me how he was going to work tonight out. I asked what he meant, and he said "you know, I went there last night." I said "where?" He said "you know...up the hill." So I asked if he meant Barona, and he said yes, and when I asked him if he won anything, he said "no." Then he said, "if I did go up there, I went up there to eat, but now I am not sure if I went.." So, I said, "well, as far as I know, you were here last night." And with that, he said, "oh you are probably right." And that was it.
Maybe the doctor will have answers, maybe he won't...Guess we will just wait and see.
Love to all!
He was pretty good tonight. My Mom was a little tired today, and the brightness is really bothering her eyes...Or eye. She says that even her dark sunglasses don't help. I am still struggling to get the referral to the neuro-opthamologist. I thought I had it all worked out, and UCSD called me today to tell me that the referral came over incomplete, and it would be another day or two until they can set the appointment. I swear...Can't something be easy?
Speaking of something being easy, I got a call from the Home Owner's Association today, and they are sending out their plumber to put a camera down into my main sewer line to check out the tree damage...But of course I have to wait for them to call to set up an appointment. Sheesh.
We go see Dr. Uhl again tomorrow. It is Dad's follow up on radiation. Not sure what it will all entail, but I know I want to be sure and discuss Dad's taste buds (not sure if he really doesn't want to eat, or if he just knows we will give him milkshakes and apple fritters anyway...). I also want to know when the MRI will be scheduled to see how successful these treatments have been. I am also a little surprised that Dad is so confused. I was hoping that when the swelling went down in his brain, he would be a little less confused with everything. When I got there tonight, he asked me how he was going to work tonight out. I asked what he meant, and he said "you know, I went there last night." I said "where?" He said "you know...up the hill." So I asked if he meant Barona, and he said yes, and when I asked him if he won anything, he said "no." Then he said, "if I did go up there, I went up there to eat, but now I am not sure if I went.." So, I said, "well, as far as I know, you were here last night." And with that, he said, "oh you are probably right." And that was it.
Maybe the doctor will have answers, maybe he won't...Guess we will just wait and see.
Love to all!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
A tree grows on Baltimore...
So, I finally had a plumber come out today, after my 8 minute shower upstairs caused ANOTHER flood downstairs...He came out, tried plunging, tried snaking, pulled the toilet...And finally rolled in this crazy electric snake...All to discover that, somewhere between my toilet and the main sewer line on the other side of my garage, a tree root has infiltrated my main sewer line. So, the good news is this potentially very expensive repair job to whatever pipe needs it is no longer my responsibility...The bad news, is that it is still my house and there will need to be times when I will need to be home when the plumber comes, and potentially if they dig up the pipe...I mean...Really?
So, I took Mom down to see Dad this afternoon. We were so happy to hear that our friends the Brehm's came by to visit Dad. They have always been so special to my Dad and Mom, and since they retired, they travel all over the country. I am so happy that they are in town and I can't tell you how happy Dad was that they stopped by.
Dad was doing pretty good today. We got him into a wheelchair and took him out for a cigar. He keeps asking things like..."So, I am just not sure if I should try to go to Barona tonight or not." And when we tell him that he shouldn't, he asks "Why? I need to understand...Is it because it is too far, or you think I shouldn't drive, or you think I will stay too late?" I am not quite sure how to answer these questions, so I tell him that I don't think he is strong enough right now, since he has a hard time sitting in a wheelchair for longer than about 30 minutes. This works sometimes, and tonight was one of those times. He said "yah, maybe you are right, I should just go in from here and go to bed."
Mom is holding her own, and driving a little. She is now having problems with brightness and glare. I would be able to understand if this was with her left eye, because the pupil isn't functioning correctly, but the lid is still droopy (closed), so that shouldn't be a problem. I finally got the opthamologist's office to send the referral to the neuro-opthmologist, who I was informed, is now booking into December. I am going to beg and whine and start crying if I have to for an earlier appointment...Or at least on call for a cancellation.
I am going to dinner with friends tomorrow as my friend is in town from San Francisco. So, I won't be seeing Dad tomorrow. And I signed up for this yoga class a few weeks back on Thursday nights from 6:00-7:00 p.m., but due to Mom's illness, have not been able to attend the first two weeks. I am going to make an attempt this week if it works out. But that would mean a short visit with Dad...So, we'll see.
Anyway, I am glad we got to the root of my plumbing issue (Root? Get it?). Wish me luck on that one.
Much love.
So, I took Mom down to see Dad this afternoon. We were so happy to hear that our friends the Brehm's came by to visit Dad. They have always been so special to my Dad and Mom, and since they retired, they travel all over the country. I am so happy that they are in town and I can't tell you how happy Dad was that they stopped by.
Dad was doing pretty good today. We got him into a wheelchair and took him out for a cigar. He keeps asking things like..."So, I am just not sure if I should try to go to Barona tonight or not." And when we tell him that he shouldn't, he asks "Why? I need to understand...Is it because it is too far, or you think I shouldn't drive, or you think I will stay too late?" I am not quite sure how to answer these questions, so I tell him that I don't think he is strong enough right now, since he has a hard time sitting in a wheelchair for longer than about 30 minutes. This works sometimes, and tonight was one of those times. He said "yah, maybe you are right, I should just go in from here and go to bed."
Mom is holding her own, and driving a little. She is now having problems with brightness and glare. I would be able to understand if this was with her left eye, because the pupil isn't functioning correctly, but the lid is still droopy (closed), so that shouldn't be a problem. I finally got the opthamologist's office to send the referral to the neuro-opthmologist, who I was informed, is now booking into December. I am going to beg and whine and start crying if I have to for an earlier appointment...Or at least on call for a cancellation.
I am going to dinner with friends tomorrow as my friend is in town from San Francisco. So, I won't be seeing Dad tomorrow. And I signed up for this yoga class a few weeks back on Thursday nights from 6:00-7:00 p.m., but due to Mom's illness, have not been able to attend the first two weeks. I am going to make an attempt this week if it works out. But that would mean a short visit with Dad...So, we'll see.
Anyway, I am glad we got to the root of my plumbing issue (Root? Get it?). Wish me luck on that one.
Much love.
Monday, September 22, 2008
It is the little things that get me...
Sheesh, sometimes I just get so flustered...Still having plumbing issues...I guess I have to suck it up and call a plumber. I got home tonight, and I didn't come home to a flood, but Newman apparently decided that walking around on the dining room table and knocked over and broke a bottle of wine...So, I first cried that I had to come home and and clean something else up, but darn it! It was my favorite wine! My Ravenswood Vintner's Blend...in a puddle full of broken glass on my dining room floor. So sad. I wonder if Newman lapped any up...
I have just been a little overwhelmed over the weekend. My little dog is going downhill fast, and that is tough for me to deal with, and then I have my Mom, and her desperation for independence and getting out of the house.
I took Dorth driving this weekend, and actually she did pretty good. I just told her that she needs to focus and look 3 times before turning or changing lanes...And she can't drive after dark. That will start to cause problems as we get closer to daylight savings time ending...We will cross that bridge when we get to it I guess. I took Mom out to Costco tonight to buy her a new microwave...Hers went kaput...
Dad has been doing ok. He has been a little cranky...I am not sure of the cause, but if you go to visit him and he is less than friendly, cut him some slack. It is just hard to get him to kid and joke, and when I think doing something like getting him in a wheelchair might inspire him, he only likes to be in the chair for like 15 minutes and he wants to go back to bed. We had a long conversation with one of his nurses, and she thinks he is realizing that he will probably not go home, and he is depressed and trying to deal with it. I am not sure how to deal with this...I guess I just have to be there and do what I can.
So, I am working on a king size headache...So I am hitting the hay...:)
Good night and love to all!
I have just been a little overwhelmed over the weekend. My little dog is going downhill fast, and that is tough for me to deal with, and then I have my Mom, and her desperation for independence and getting out of the house.
I took Dorth driving this weekend, and actually she did pretty good. I just told her that she needs to focus and look 3 times before turning or changing lanes...And she can't drive after dark. That will start to cause problems as we get closer to daylight savings time ending...We will cross that bridge when we get to it I guess. I took Mom out to Costco tonight to buy her a new microwave...Hers went kaput...
Dad has been doing ok. He has been a little cranky...I am not sure of the cause, but if you go to visit him and he is less than friendly, cut him some slack. It is just hard to get him to kid and joke, and when I think doing something like getting him in a wheelchair might inspire him, he only likes to be in the chair for like 15 minutes and he wants to go back to bed. We had a long conversation with one of his nurses, and she thinks he is realizing that he will probably not go home, and he is depressed and trying to deal with it. I am not sure how to deal with this...I guess I just have to be there and do what I can.
So, I am working on a king size headache...So I am hitting the hay...:)
Good night and love to all!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Playing ball...
I am playing ball with my little dog Newman (aka Macrame') to try and tire the monster out. Unfortunately, with staying late with my Dad, and then taking Mom out to dinner or to run errands afterward, I tend to get home pretty late. Which translates to the dogs being alone to sleep all day...So, they are pretty much raring to go all night...Well, more Newman than Tucker. His difficulty breathing and coughing pretty much tire him out. I try the long walks, but the only true answer, for Newman at least, is playing fetch. I sit in my office, which is directly down the hall from my room. So, I throw the ball down the hall and he bounds down to get it...Now he is panting and laying down...I may have made a dent.:)
I picked up Mom today and took her down to see Dad. He was pretty good today. He is so passionate and animated when he feels strongly about something...Problem is, he often doesn't know what he feels strongly about...At least he forgets halfway through the sentence. At one point this evening, in a heated, exclamatory story, he stops, looks up at the ceiling and says "I lost my train of thought...Where did it go?" And he looked me square in the eyes and said "That mother hitched up and left without me!" The three of us just laughed hysterically.
Mom said she was going to try and drive tomorrow. I have asked her to wait until at least Saturday when we can do a test run with me in the car. I would hate for her to get a few miles from the house only to realize she really can't drive. I am still not sure she is ready to drive, but I can say it until I am blue in the face, and it doesn't matter. She hates being housebound, and although I have told her we have lots of people offering to help, she likes to be independent and wants to go, where she wants to go, when she wants to go. I can relate, but I just don't want to run the risk of her accidentally pulling out in front of someone because she didn't see them. I think I guilted her into waiting until Saturday to give it a shot under my supervision. I guess I will just have to wait (and hope) and see. She wants to get down to see my Dad a little earlier tomorrow so she can take him outside, so hopefully she can get a ride around 3:30, and I can pick her up and take her home after my visit.
I am excited about the weekend. I am looking forward to getting some things done around the house. My garbage disposal went out, and my downstairs toilet mysteriously overflowed...I came downstairs to a small flood the other morning...Does anyone know if flushing one toilet can make another one overflow somehow? That is the only explanation I can think of. Anyway, a day to address the crazy failing appliances, and maybe take some donation stuff to Goodwill will help me to feel accomplished and help to get my house closer to orderly again.
I hope everyone has great plans for themselves this weekend. I am off to play one more round of fetch before going to bed myself.
Much love and happy Friday!
I picked up Mom today and took her down to see Dad. He was pretty good today. He is so passionate and animated when he feels strongly about something...Problem is, he often doesn't know what he feels strongly about...At least he forgets halfway through the sentence. At one point this evening, in a heated, exclamatory story, he stops, looks up at the ceiling and says "I lost my train of thought...Where did it go?" And he looked me square in the eyes and said "That mother hitched up and left without me!" The three of us just laughed hysterically.
Mom said she was going to try and drive tomorrow. I have asked her to wait until at least Saturday when we can do a test run with me in the car. I would hate for her to get a few miles from the house only to realize she really can't drive. I am still not sure she is ready to drive, but I can say it until I am blue in the face, and it doesn't matter. She hates being housebound, and although I have told her we have lots of people offering to help, she likes to be independent and wants to go, where she wants to go, when she wants to go. I can relate, but I just don't want to run the risk of her accidentally pulling out in front of someone because she didn't see them. I think I guilted her into waiting until Saturday to give it a shot under my supervision. I guess I will just have to wait (and hope) and see. She wants to get down to see my Dad a little earlier tomorrow so she can take him outside, so hopefully she can get a ride around 3:30, and I can pick her up and take her home after my visit.
I am excited about the weekend. I am looking forward to getting some things done around the house. My garbage disposal went out, and my downstairs toilet mysteriously overflowed...I came downstairs to a small flood the other morning...Does anyone know if flushing one toilet can make another one overflow somehow? That is the only explanation I can think of. Anyway, a day to address the crazy failing appliances, and maybe take some donation stuff to Goodwill will help me to feel accomplished and help to get my house closer to orderly again.
I hope everyone has great plans for themselves this weekend. I am off to play one more round of fetch before going to bed myself.
Much love and happy Friday!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Quick post tonight...
I am just so irritated that there is not like 32 hours in a day...And I would spend all of the extra ones sleeping!!! I will catch up someday.:) Good thing for caffeine, or I would often find myself napping in my office...:)
Things went well tonight. Patty from my Mom's dentist office was kind enough to come by and pick up Mom on her way home from work. That got Mom down to see Dad around 6:00, and I got there about 6:30. Mom was feeding him dinner, and I think he was really happy to see Patty. I will tell you, I know Mom used to go to the dentist often due to some of her medical problems, but that whole office is like family. My Mom has always had a close relationship with Dr. Williams, and my Dad with Dr. Gray...But, through all of this, the staff of both of these offices has just been so caring and thoughtful and concerned. I still am truly amazed at the level of caring and commitment of the people in our lives. Talk about being lucky...
Dad was doing well tonight, but he was a little cranky. Not too bad, but he keep getting frustrated with Mom a little. She tends to do this jumping to conclusions thing, because she just cares about him so much. Well, when she is not actually listening to him, and jumps to her own conclusion, he gets frustrated. It was later in the evening, and he was telling me a story, and I could tell he was thinking about tomorrow. So, he looks at my Mom and says "where are my smokes?" And my Mom just about jumps from her folding chair, and says "do you want to go outside now??? I will go get someone!" I look right at her and say "no, he is staying in bed, he can go out tomorrow..." And he said, "yah, I want to go tomorrow, and I just want to be sure there are smokes in the drawer."
She just wants so badly to make up for the things that have happened to put him in this situation. One of the sad but good things, is he really has little concept of time. I kind of equate it to my dogs...They get just as excited when I return from taking the trash out as they do when I get home after a 15 hour day...Dad is kind of the same. I think he may realize that I might be gone for a day or two, but I don't think he really analyzes it too much. He is just happy to see me when I do comeback.
He said his friend Jack came by today for a visit. It is the familiar faces and new conversation that keep him stimulated.
Ok, I gotta hit the hay...Lots of meetings and conference calls tomorrow...In addition to checking on the referral and getting an appointment with the neuro-opthamologist for Mom...So many opportunities to succeed...I can hardly stand it!:)
Craig, if you are by chance reading this...I miss your presence and hope all is going well with you. I am sending good thoughts and positive energy your way. Take care of you.
As my little buddy Graham says...Amor y paz...Love and peace.
Things went well tonight. Patty from my Mom's dentist office was kind enough to come by and pick up Mom on her way home from work. That got Mom down to see Dad around 6:00, and I got there about 6:30. Mom was feeding him dinner, and I think he was really happy to see Patty. I will tell you, I know Mom used to go to the dentist often due to some of her medical problems, but that whole office is like family. My Mom has always had a close relationship with Dr. Williams, and my Dad with Dr. Gray...But, through all of this, the staff of both of these offices has just been so caring and thoughtful and concerned. I still am truly amazed at the level of caring and commitment of the people in our lives. Talk about being lucky...
Dad was doing well tonight, but he was a little cranky. Not too bad, but he keep getting frustrated with Mom a little. She tends to do this jumping to conclusions thing, because she just cares about him so much. Well, when she is not actually listening to him, and jumps to her own conclusion, he gets frustrated. It was later in the evening, and he was telling me a story, and I could tell he was thinking about tomorrow. So, he looks at my Mom and says "where are my smokes?" And my Mom just about jumps from her folding chair, and says "do you want to go outside now??? I will go get someone!" I look right at her and say "no, he is staying in bed, he can go out tomorrow..." And he said, "yah, I want to go tomorrow, and I just want to be sure there are smokes in the drawer."
She just wants so badly to make up for the things that have happened to put him in this situation. One of the sad but good things, is he really has little concept of time. I kind of equate it to my dogs...They get just as excited when I return from taking the trash out as they do when I get home after a 15 hour day...Dad is kind of the same. I think he may realize that I might be gone for a day or two, but I don't think he really analyzes it too much. He is just happy to see me when I do comeback.
He said his friend Jack came by today for a visit. It is the familiar faces and new conversation that keep him stimulated.
Ok, I gotta hit the hay...Lots of meetings and conference calls tomorrow...In addition to checking on the referral and getting an appointment with the neuro-opthamologist for Mom...So many opportunities to succeed...I can hardly stand it!:)
Craig, if you are by chance reading this...I miss your presence and hope all is going well with you. I am sending good thoughts and positive energy your way. Take care of you.
As my little buddy Graham says...Amor y paz...Love and peace.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
New glasses...
Ok, so my Mom just cracks me up sometime...Infuriates me...Then cracks me up. My Aunt and Uncle were wonderful to pick Mom up today and take her down to see Dad. They dropped her off and I came for my visit and took her home...But not before we picked up her glasses. The frames are very thin and lightweight, and kind of a bronze color and pretty fashionable...I think she looks great in them. She put them on and was reading things acrossed (that's for you E) the room. As soon as we walk out of the store, I told her to look down the mall, and she immediately pulls her glasses off, and complains that everything is so blurry...I told her to put her glasses on...So, she does, and I ask if she can see, and she says "yes," pulls her glasses off and claims everything is blurry. Now, I am not quite sure what she thinks glasses do, but they only help if you are looking through them. This proves to be a difficult concept to her.
Since the doctor said that she can read without any correction, I opted to not get her bifocals because the bottom would be completely clear...I may have made a mistake with this decision. Apparently, it is quite difficult to lift up the glasses, or look over them if you want to look at something up close...Maybe she just needs to get used to everything...LOL...It is all exasperating (because I think it is simple and common sense), and just hysterical (because, I guess it isn't), and as long as Mom and I can continue to laugh about it...All is good. A little laughter does anyone good.
Dad was good tonight...I got down to Magnolia around 6:00, and Dad was eating dinner. If I haven't mentioned it before, the food at Magnolia leaves a lot to be desired. Tonight was a sandwich of some sort (tuna salad maybe?), on white bread, cantaloupe, potato soup, and something unidentifiable...It actually looked like cat food (no offense to my cat lover friends). I smelled it, and it smelled familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. After polling 3 of the CNA's, I think we narrowed it down to (possibly) 3 bean salad that had been ground up...Um...Ew. Now, 3 bean salad is not my favorite thing, but I will eat it. I like the taste and texture of the different beans...All ground up together must be ghastly.
Dad ate the sandwich and cantaloupe, had no interest in the soup and avoided the cat food...He did have a big hunk of apple fritter that my Mom brought.
He was very confused tonight. He kept asking "how am I going to do this?" And I would ask him what he was talking about, and he kept saying "I need to get my shoe on and then how am I going to get home to go to bed?" I kept trying to convince him that he was already in bed, and all he had to do was go to sleep when he was ready. He would say "wait, back up, you need to go slower, I don't understand." So, I explained the whole deal to him, and he said "I can't sleep here! I am in a hallway!" By the time we left, he had determined that he better stay there and sleep in that bed...I am not quite sure what is causing the confusion, or what he heard or thought that set him off. He has been talking about driving and getting in the car to go to Barona Casino lately, but, this seems a little more random.
He is really hanging in there, and for the most part doing well. He is interested in the election, and often says he wants it to be over (don't we all?), and is watching all this drama with the stock market. Dad used to be an avid watcher of the market, and I think he remembers that, and knows that when it goes down, we lose money, but I don't think he understands any more detail than that. Sometimes it is so hard for me to take when my Dad can't process the things that used to make him happy and intrigue him. I guess it just all goes with this terrible disease. But, I also think of how much he does have, his ability to communicate, to rationalize, to want to try...and Simply, to be alive. Nothing about this is easy for him, or any of us for that matter. But we try and take everyday with hope and gratitude.
Love to all.
Since the doctor said that she can read without any correction, I opted to not get her bifocals because the bottom would be completely clear...I may have made a mistake with this decision. Apparently, it is quite difficult to lift up the glasses, or look over them if you want to look at something up close...Maybe she just needs to get used to everything...LOL...It is all exasperating (because I think it is simple and common sense), and just hysterical (because, I guess it isn't), and as long as Mom and I can continue to laugh about it...All is good. A little laughter does anyone good.
Dad was good tonight...I got down to Magnolia around 6:00, and Dad was eating dinner. If I haven't mentioned it before, the food at Magnolia leaves a lot to be desired. Tonight was a sandwich of some sort (tuna salad maybe?), on white bread, cantaloupe, potato soup, and something unidentifiable...It actually looked like cat food (no offense to my cat lover friends). I smelled it, and it smelled familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. After polling 3 of the CNA's, I think we narrowed it down to (possibly) 3 bean salad that had been ground up...Um...Ew. Now, 3 bean salad is not my favorite thing, but I will eat it. I like the taste and texture of the different beans...All ground up together must be ghastly.
Dad ate the sandwich and cantaloupe, had no interest in the soup and avoided the cat food...He did have a big hunk of apple fritter that my Mom brought.
He was very confused tonight. He kept asking "how am I going to do this?" And I would ask him what he was talking about, and he kept saying "I need to get my shoe on and then how am I going to get home to go to bed?" I kept trying to convince him that he was already in bed, and all he had to do was go to sleep when he was ready. He would say "wait, back up, you need to go slower, I don't understand." So, I explained the whole deal to him, and he said "I can't sleep here! I am in a hallway!" By the time we left, he had determined that he better stay there and sleep in that bed...I am not quite sure what is causing the confusion, or what he heard or thought that set him off. He has been talking about driving and getting in the car to go to Barona Casino lately, but, this seems a little more random.
He is really hanging in there, and for the most part doing well. He is interested in the election, and often says he wants it to be over (don't we all?), and is watching all this drama with the stock market. Dad used to be an avid watcher of the market, and I think he remembers that, and knows that when it goes down, we lose money, but I don't think he understands any more detail than that. Sometimes it is so hard for me to take when my Dad can't process the things that used to make him happy and intrigue him. I guess it just all goes with this terrible disease. But, I also think of how much he does have, his ability to communicate, to rationalize, to want to try...and Simply, to be alive. Nothing about this is easy for him, or any of us for that matter. But we try and take everyday with hope and gratitude.
Love to all.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Patience is a virtue...But that doesn't make it easy...
Another day, still don't know what caused the problem with Mom's eye. But, we do know that the eye is in good shape, in fact both of her eyes are healthy, despite her cataracts. She has been battling them for the past 5 years, and last year when her doctor thought it might be time to take them out, she went to another doctor, and he told her they weren't ready yet...Boy was she mad...So you should have seen her face when we walked in to Dr. Tregar's office today, only to find that he is partners with this same doctor. Needless to say, we had them switch all the records over to Dr. Tregar.
Dr. Tregar did a thorough examination, and looked closely at her corneas, retinas, optic nerves, etc. Everything in both eyes looks very good. He did the vision tests, and she was having a hard time seeing, primarily out of her good eye...She actually sees pretty good out of the left eye, it is just not pointed in the right direction. The doctor said her difficulty is coming from the cataract, and they will have to come out at some point. He said she had significant growth in them, and that when you are sick, they tend to grow faster...Ummmm...Okay...If he says so. At this point, he says new prescription glasses will help her see much better until they can be removed. I think he wants to wait and see what happens with the other eye before they go messing with the good one.
So, the good news is, he is confident that we have ruled out any life threatening causes...Aneurysm, major stroke, brain tumor...He is thinking that she had what is called an "ischemic event." This is a minor stroke, and stroke meaning deprivation of oxygenated blood for a period of time...This usually leaves evidence that shows up on MRIs...Nothing shows up for Mom.
I did get the referral to the neuro-opthamologist at UCSD. I will be calling in the morning to schedule her appointment...I mean, it can't hurt right?
So, the only frustrating news, is we are at the "wait and see" stage. There is a good chance that this nerve will heal and rectify itself. It could take up to 3-6 months though...Mom is not really that patient normally, but with the eye, she wants it fixed like NOW! She has been having a tough time of it...She is frustrated she cannot drive, but I am trying to help her make the most of it.
We did get down to see Dad for about an hour today. We were later as I tried to make up for the time I took to take Mom to the doctor. We got there around 7:00, and he had just gotten all tucked into bed. We talked about the appointment, and he had a package of Pringles Stix, and then they brought him some ice cream. He was pretty happy about all that.:) He is worried about Mom though. We just keep reassuring him that she is ok, and her eye is going to get better.
After Dad, we went to LensCrafters and ordered her new glasses, and then to Pat and Oscar's for dinner. It is always good to see Dorothy actually eat some food...Which she did.
Much love to all!
Dr. Tregar did a thorough examination, and looked closely at her corneas, retinas, optic nerves, etc. Everything in both eyes looks very good. He did the vision tests, and she was having a hard time seeing, primarily out of her good eye...She actually sees pretty good out of the left eye, it is just not pointed in the right direction. The doctor said her difficulty is coming from the cataract, and they will have to come out at some point. He said she had significant growth in them, and that when you are sick, they tend to grow faster...Ummmm...Okay...If he says so. At this point, he says new prescription glasses will help her see much better until they can be removed. I think he wants to wait and see what happens with the other eye before they go messing with the good one.
So, the good news is, he is confident that we have ruled out any life threatening causes...Aneurysm, major stroke, brain tumor...He is thinking that she had what is called an "ischemic event." This is a minor stroke, and stroke meaning deprivation of oxygenated blood for a period of time...This usually leaves evidence that shows up on MRIs...Nothing shows up for Mom.
I did get the referral to the neuro-opthamologist at UCSD. I will be calling in the morning to schedule her appointment...I mean, it can't hurt right?
So, the only frustrating news, is we are at the "wait and see" stage. There is a good chance that this nerve will heal and rectify itself. It could take up to 3-6 months though...Mom is not really that patient normally, but with the eye, she wants it fixed like NOW! She has been having a tough time of it...She is frustrated she cannot drive, but I am trying to help her make the most of it.
We did get down to see Dad for about an hour today. We were later as I tried to make up for the time I took to take Mom to the doctor. We got there around 7:00, and he had just gotten all tucked into bed. We talked about the appointment, and he had a package of Pringles Stix, and then they brought him some ice cream. He was pretty happy about all that.:) He is worried about Mom though. We just keep reassuring him that she is ok, and her eye is going to get better.
After Dad, we went to LensCrafters and ordered her new glasses, and then to Pat and Oscar's for dinner. It is always good to see Dorothy actually eat some food...Which she did.
Much love to all!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Is the weekend over already?
I slept in a little this morning, tried to catch up on my DVR recordings, and straighten up the house...Got some of each done. I went and picked Mom up and we went to Denny's for a late brunch.
I was just thinking today, that other than the one cigarette each day with her patch on, Mom has actually been doing ok on not smoking. Well, she just keeps getting more frustrated with everything going on, and she called me tonight and told me that she is not going to quit smoking and wants to enjoy the time she has left...Oh well...She lasted longer than I thought she would.
We went down and spent a few hours with Dad today. We took him a milkshake, and they had just put him in a wheelchair and rolled him out to the patio. We got there, and the three of us sat outside in the shade, enjoying the beautiful day. Dad smoked, Mom didn't. Dad enjoyed his milkshake, and we talked. He was only in his chair for about an hour, and then he began complaining that he was uncomforable. I am not sure what exactly it is. He says he is not in pain, but he begins to get very upset and almost panicky if he has to be in the chair longer than he thinks he needs to be. The staff at Magnolia is so nice, and I know that they are there to help, but they cannot always jump when called...After all, there are other residents too. It is times like these that I have a very hard time remembering the patient, rational understanding man my Dad always was...But, I sure try. He is very worried about Mom's eye, and although we won't mention that she was in the hospital, he is concerned with what is going on. Maybe that is what attributes to his anxiety...Who knows.
Mom goes to the opthamologist tomorrow, and I think what set her whole day off, was when she said "I hope this guy can do something to fix my eye tomorrow..." I tried to tell her that this is probably not something that will go away over night, and this really upset her. I have explained to her many times that the nerve is damaged, and nerves can repair themselves, but it will probably take several weeks to several months. I think that she is also suffering from "Selective Listening..." Only hearing what she wants to.:)
I told her to come with her list of questions for the Doctor, bring her glasses, and all of her complaints...Maybe he will find something. Either way, I am pushing for the referral to the Shiley Eye Center.
So, wish us luck tomorrow, and hope for the small chance that we find a cause.
Much love.
I was just thinking today, that other than the one cigarette each day with her patch on, Mom has actually been doing ok on not smoking. Well, she just keeps getting more frustrated with everything going on, and she called me tonight and told me that she is not going to quit smoking and wants to enjoy the time she has left...Oh well...She lasted longer than I thought she would.
We went down and spent a few hours with Dad today. We took him a milkshake, and they had just put him in a wheelchair and rolled him out to the patio. We got there, and the three of us sat outside in the shade, enjoying the beautiful day. Dad smoked, Mom didn't. Dad enjoyed his milkshake, and we talked. He was only in his chair for about an hour, and then he began complaining that he was uncomforable. I am not sure what exactly it is. He says he is not in pain, but he begins to get very upset and almost panicky if he has to be in the chair longer than he thinks he needs to be. The staff at Magnolia is so nice, and I know that they are there to help, but they cannot always jump when called...After all, there are other residents too. It is times like these that I have a very hard time remembering the patient, rational understanding man my Dad always was...But, I sure try. He is very worried about Mom's eye, and although we won't mention that she was in the hospital, he is concerned with what is going on. Maybe that is what attributes to his anxiety...Who knows.
Mom goes to the opthamologist tomorrow, and I think what set her whole day off, was when she said "I hope this guy can do something to fix my eye tomorrow..." I tried to tell her that this is probably not something that will go away over night, and this really upset her. I have explained to her many times that the nerve is damaged, and nerves can repair themselves, but it will probably take several weeks to several months. I think that she is also suffering from "Selective Listening..." Only hearing what she wants to.:)
I told her to come with her list of questions for the Doctor, bring her glasses, and all of her complaints...Maybe he will find something. Either way, I am pushing for the referral to the Shiley Eye Center.
So, wish us luck tomorrow, and hope for the small chance that we find a cause.
Much love.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
What an amazing day...
I am not sure I have ever been this exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. But what an amazing day. The walk was very emotional for me on so many levels. I learned that this disease is truly as scary as I think it is, but I also learned there is hope. Many people got up to talk about the loved ones they lost, survivors got up to discuss their journey, and so many inspirational goals and efforts to eradicate this horrible disease. There was one man who is a 20 year survivor. He was diagnosed in 1984, and the tumor has returned 4 times in the past 20 years. I think that the some of the keys to surviving, are lots of luck, great doctors and treatments, positive attitude, and due diligence on staying on top of recurrences, because they will come...It is not a matter of if, but when.The mood was light, but still held the air of the seriousness of what we had all gathered for. There were people of all ages and the walk was right along the bank of the San Diego river outlet, and was fun and jovial.
There were 353 walkers today, which they said was a 20% increase over last year, and $73,000 was raised this morning to help brain cancer research. All in all, a pretty successful day. And the support of good friends and family has been incredible. I personally raised $1425 thanks to all of the wonderful people who took the time to donate to this amazing cause, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. And to be surrounded by so many wonderful people today on the walk...Special thanks to Team Scotch on the Rocks: Paula and Jay, Allison and Chris, Rachelle, Linda, and Team Bama's Blessing: Kristen, Laura, Maynard, and Jack and Debbie for being there today and always.
After the walk, I called Mom, and she was just too tired to go out today. She is still recovering from being out of commission for over a week. Going to see Dad two days in a row just tired her out. So, I went and picked up my Dad's next round of chemo pills, which he will start in a few weeks, and headed down to see Dad. He was a little tired today, but looked good. We had a visit from the Prestons, which he thoroughly enjoyed. After a few hours, I convinced him to get in the wheelchair and go outside. He gets sort of preoccupied with the process of getting him into the chair (which requires a lift), and often says "just forget it," Once I got him convinced, I stepped out, and our friend Dennis showed up. The three of us went outside, and he got in a smoke, and then they brought him dinner...Beef stew again...Sheesh. The place is really nice, the people are wonderful and caring for the most part, but the food really is awful. I know it is hard to feed 99 people, but I would happily pay more money per day for some better, more well-balanced meals. I think it is a problem for everyone. So, Dad pretty much had part of an apple fritter, some Pringles Stix (these are awesome BTW), a glass of milk, some orange juice, and a little bit of ice cream for his evening meal. I am planning on bringing him some Costco pizza tomorrow.
I went back to my Mom's house for dinner. We had leftovers from our dinner at Chin's last night. When I got there, all my stuff was packed up in bags...(Yes, some had twist ties...). She was evicting me home I guess...:) We are supposed to go to a late brunch tomorrow and then take her down to see Dad. I hope she is feeling up to it.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for their thoughts and good wishes. Your offers to help out do not go unnoticed and are greatly appreciated. The only things I am really struggling with right now, other than lack of sleep, is trying to convince Mom she shouldn't smoke even one cigarette with her patch on...And trying to convince her that driving is not a good idea...So, if any one of you has any conversations with her in the near future, if you can reiterate that neither of these things are good ideas, that would be great. Also, I may need a few folks to give Mom a ride down to see Dad in the afternoons from time to time...And I can take her home in the evening. But we can cross that bridge when I get to it...:)
Enjoy the rest of this beautiful weekend!
Love to all!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Long time no post...
Sorry for the few days without a post. I am trying to juggle Mom, Dad, dogs, work and me...Sometimes the blog suffers...:)
Mom is home. I brought her home Wednesday evening at about 7:00 p.m. She is getting a little better every day, and I even managed to get her to eat some mashed potatoes and gravy, and like 3 bites of meatloaf last night.
She is still having pain in her eye, but not as much (it seems), and the nausea has improved. She is still very weak, and is trying to navigate with the eye patch, which proves to be a problem.
I am hoping that she will feel good enough this afternoon to take a shower and go down and see Dad. I think it will do them both good, as long as she feels pretty good.
So, all of the test results have come back, and everything is normal. Spinal tap tests showed she may have had a touch of meningitis (inflammation of the meninges, the lining between the brain and the skull...Kind of like a bag that your brain is in), and this may have put pressure on the nerves, and caused the problem. Or she may have had a micro stroke, only in the nerve, thereby not leaving any evidence of a stroke. Really, they are just guessing.
We go to her primary tomorrow for a routine follow up, and then back to the opthamologist from the hospital on Monday. I think he wants to get her into the office so he has his equipment to look closer at the eye.
I am going to try and get her a referral from one doctor or the other to the Shiley Eye Center at UCSD. There is a doctor there who is a neuro-opthamologist, who specializes in the brain and eye connection. I really want her to see Mom...Even if she can't find anything either, I will feel better. After all, we have neurologists looking at her brain, and an opthomologist looking at her eye, but not one person who can effectively look at both and the connection between the two. So, wish me luck on the referral.
My Aunt went down and saw my Dad last night, and he seemed to be in a good mood. Dinner was horrible...Beef stew...So, she went and got him Taco Bell, which he happily ate. He seems to be doing well, and I think we will all be relieved when Mom gets back down there to see him, which hopefully will be tonight.
So, one more small day of victory in the fight against nicotine. I went and bought her more patches, and she is still wearing one...I will support her in any way possible, but she is going to have to be the one fighting the fight. She needs to want to stop for herself...Keep your fingers crossed.:)
So, it came up so quick with all that is going on, but this weekend is the National Brain Tumor Foundation walk in Mission Bay. I am at an amazing $1,125 from everyone being so gracious, but it is not too late to donate online, or get me a check by Saturday morning. To donate online on their secure site with a credit or debit card, please go to http://www.firstgiving.com/scotchontherocks. It is all tax deductible, and if you donate online, there is a great printable receipt for tax purposes.
Also, it is not too late to walk on Saturday as well. You will have to register on site at the event, but we would love to see you! Here is more information about the event: http://www.braintumor.org/AngelAdventure/san_diego/. Check-in begins at 8:00 a.m. and the festivities begin at 9:00 a.m. and the walk starts at about 9:30 a.m. It is a walk at your own pace course, and you are not required to walk the whole thing. There will be food and refreshments and it is all about raising money to fight this devastating illness.
Those who want to join us, I am hoping to get to Hospitality Point sometime between 8:15 and 8:30 a.m. I will be wearing comfy walking shoes and clothes, and my sunscreen! If you are planning on showing up, and would like to meet-up with me, please give me a call or email and we can arrange a meeting place.
Another big thanks to all that have donated to Team Scotch on the Rocks!
Much love to all!
Mom is home. I brought her home Wednesday evening at about 7:00 p.m. She is getting a little better every day, and I even managed to get her to eat some mashed potatoes and gravy, and like 3 bites of meatloaf last night.
She is still having pain in her eye, but not as much (it seems), and the nausea has improved. She is still very weak, and is trying to navigate with the eye patch, which proves to be a problem.
I am hoping that she will feel good enough this afternoon to take a shower and go down and see Dad. I think it will do them both good, as long as she feels pretty good.
So, all of the test results have come back, and everything is normal. Spinal tap tests showed she may have had a touch of meningitis (inflammation of the meninges, the lining between the brain and the skull...Kind of like a bag that your brain is in), and this may have put pressure on the nerves, and caused the problem. Or she may have had a micro stroke, only in the nerve, thereby not leaving any evidence of a stroke. Really, they are just guessing.
We go to her primary tomorrow for a routine follow up, and then back to the opthamologist from the hospital on Monday. I think he wants to get her into the office so he has his equipment to look closer at the eye.
I am going to try and get her a referral from one doctor or the other to the Shiley Eye Center at UCSD. There is a doctor there who is a neuro-opthamologist, who specializes in the brain and eye connection. I really want her to see Mom...Even if she can't find anything either, I will feel better. After all, we have neurologists looking at her brain, and an opthomologist looking at her eye, but not one person who can effectively look at both and the connection between the two. So, wish me luck on the referral.
My Aunt went down and saw my Dad last night, and he seemed to be in a good mood. Dinner was horrible...Beef stew...So, she went and got him Taco Bell, which he happily ate. He seems to be doing well, and I think we will all be relieved when Mom gets back down there to see him, which hopefully will be tonight.
So, one more small day of victory in the fight against nicotine. I went and bought her more patches, and she is still wearing one...I will support her in any way possible, but she is going to have to be the one fighting the fight. She needs to want to stop for herself...Keep your fingers crossed.:)
So, it came up so quick with all that is going on, but this weekend is the National Brain Tumor Foundation walk in Mission Bay. I am at an amazing $1,125 from everyone being so gracious, but it is not too late to donate online, or get me a check by Saturday morning. To donate online on their secure site with a credit or debit card, please go to http://www.firstgiving.com/scotchontherocks. It is all tax deductible, and if you donate online, there is a great printable receipt for tax purposes.
Also, it is not too late to walk on Saturday as well. You will have to register on site at the event, but we would love to see you! Here is more information about the event: http://www.braintumor.org/AngelAdventure/san_diego/. Check-in begins at 8:00 a.m. and the festivities begin at 9:00 a.m. and the walk starts at about 9:30 a.m. It is a walk at your own pace course, and you are not required to walk the whole thing. There will be food and refreshments and it is all about raising money to fight this devastating illness.
Those who want to join us, I am hoping to get to Hospitality Point sometime between 8:15 and 8:30 a.m. I will be wearing comfy walking shoes and clothes, and my sunscreen! If you are planning on showing up, and would like to meet-up with me, please give me a call or email and we can arrange a meeting place.
Another big thanks to all that have donated to Team Scotch on the Rocks!
Much love to all!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Not home yet...
"It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma;" - Winston Churchill, 1939
Sorry no post last night...I got home very late...I will explain why later in this post...
Mom continues to baffle all 8 of her doctors...2 neurologists, 2 neurosurgeons, an internist, a vascular surgeon, an opthamologist and an infectious disease doctor...
Sunday involved another MRI...Once again...Completely normal.
She has been improving a little each day, until today. The neurosurgeon and the neurologist came in together to see her this morning to tell her that they were planning on discharging her today. They asked her how she was feeling, and she told them "my left eye is really hurting today." So, the neurosurgeon sent her down for her 4th MRI...This time, just of the eye. This Dr. did not prescribe Ativan for Mom before the test, so by the time she was done laying flat on her back on the hard table, her bad back was killing her. So, by the time she got back to her room, she was in excruciating pain. They gave her some meds to help it, but it really didn't help enough. She barely ate any lunch, and then fought off a headache, and finished the evening off very nauseated.
All of her doctors agreed she could go home today, except the opthamologist and the infectious disease guy. They didn't bother to consult the opthamologist once the infectious disease guy said no. He wants to wait until tomorrow to see how the spinal fluid tests come back. If she does have some sort of virus, he will want to keep her on the full spectrum of the anti-viral meds, and the good ones are only intravenous. They started them as a precaution on Saturday. I am almost hoping they find something...Something curable, simple and easy that explains it all. I am so glad there was no stroke and no aneurysm, but not really comfortable with "no reason." I mean, what do you do to prevent it from happening again? 100 people surveyed, top 5 answers on the board..."Um...Stop Smoking?" Ding ding ding...That is my biggest challenge ahead...Trying to convince her to quit that terrible habit...Talk about a daunting task.
Frankly, I am glad they are keeping her one more night. She should be getting better, not worse. And I was concerned with being able to treat this level of pain at home. The opthamologist and the infectious disease guy should be by in the morning to talk about the results of the spinal tap, and look at her eye again. Maybe she will be home tomorrow.
I did get out to see Dad today. I had to go pay the bill and catch up on a few issues Mom had been addressing before she got sick. He was so sleepy, I didn't stay very long. I also told him I was going home to drive Mom to the eye doctor to get her eye looked at. We are trying to keep him at bay with Mom being absent. I keep saying that she is resting and she has a bad cold and she doesn't want him to catch it. But, our family friend had a good point...He will be confused by the eye patch when he does see her...So, "Operation Eye Patch" is in effect, and we are building our "tangled web" trying to ease him into it. We were hoping that Mom would be able to go to the appt tomorrow, but since she can't, I am thinking "highly contagious Pink Eye" may play a role...That way, we buy more time until she can see him later this week, and explain the eye patch in one fail swoop...If someone else has any better ideas, I am open to them.
I will see Dad tomorrow because he has an appointment with the chemotherapy doctor. So, I plan to go to Mom in the morning in hopes I catch the doctors on their rounds, and then I will walk down to the Cancer Center for Dad's appointment, then back up in hopes that she will be released and I can take her home.
Speaking of which, I am my Mother's daughter, after all, so I went over to her house last night, and was there late tidying up...Washed her sheets, and threw away the old milk and took out the trash...And vacuumed, and wiped everything down with a Clorox wipe...Just like my Mom would do. I don't do this in my own house mind you, but, I know my Mom, and if it is not done, she will do one of two things...Either she will do it herself, or worry about it until it is done. I know I will have missed something, but if I can knock as many of these "worries" out of the way, she will hopefully come home and rest...Fat chance, I know, but I went crazy out of my way to try and help...Kinda like she does with my Dad. So, yes, I realize I have some of the "Dorothy" tendencies...Keep your fingers crossed that at least some of my efforts will pay off. For Dorothy, it is a fine line between, "don't touch my stuff," and "I want this to be done." At least I sleep well at night and let's be honest...I am not a size 2...(I actually eat stuff), and I have youth on my side (LOL)...And I did it for one night...Yes, I can rationalize it all I want, and I just sound more like her...Sheesh...
Anyway, send your good thoughts to us tomorrow...Both with my Mom and Dad.:)
Much love!
Sorry no post last night...I got home very late...I will explain why later in this post...
Mom continues to baffle all 8 of her doctors...2 neurologists, 2 neurosurgeons, an internist, a vascular surgeon, an opthamologist and an infectious disease doctor...
Sunday involved another MRI...Once again...Completely normal.
She has been improving a little each day, until today. The neurosurgeon and the neurologist came in together to see her this morning to tell her that they were planning on discharging her today. They asked her how she was feeling, and she told them "my left eye is really hurting today." So, the neurosurgeon sent her down for her 4th MRI...This time, just of the eye. This Dr. did not prescribe Ativan for Mom before the test, so by the time she was done laying flat on her back on the hard table, her bad back was killing her. So, by the time she got back to her room, she was in excruciating pain. They gave her some meds to help it, but it really didn't help enough. She barely ate any lunch, and then fought off a headache, and finished the evening off very nauseated.
All of her doctors agreed she could go home today, except the opthamologist and the infectious disease guy. They didn't bother to consult the opthamologist once the infectious disease guy said no. He wants to wait until tomorrow to see how the spinal fluid tests come back. If she does have some sort of virus, he will want to keep her on the full spectrum of the anti-viral meds, and the good ones are only intravenous. They started them as a precaution on Saturday. I am almost hoping they find something...Something curable, simple and easy that explains it all. I am so glad there was no stroke and no aneurysm, but not really comfortable with "no reason." I mean, what do you do to prevent it from happening again? 100 people surveyed, top 5 answers on the board..."Um...Stop Smoking?" Ding ding ding...That is my biggest challenge ahead...Trying to convince her to quit that terrible habit...Talk about a daunting task.
Frankly, I am glad they are keeping her one more night. She should be getting better, not worse. And I was concerned with being able to treat this level of pain at home. The opthamologist and the infectious disease guy should be by in the morning to talk about the results of the spinal tap, and look at her eye again. Maybe she will be home tomorrow.
I did get out to see Dad today. I had to go pay the bill and catch up on a few issues Mom had been addressing before she got sick. He was so sleepy, I didn't stay very long. I also told him I was going home to drive Mom to the eye doctor to get her eye looked at. We are trying to keep him at bay with Mom being absent. I keep saying that she is resting and she has a bad cold and she doesn't want him to catch it. But, our family friend had a good point...He will be confused by the eye patch when he does see her...So, "Operation Eye Patch" is in effect, and we are building our "tangled web" trying to ease him into it. We were hoping that Mom would be able to go to the appt tomorrow, but since she can't, I am thinking "highly contagious Pink Eye" may play a role...That way, we buy more time until she can see him later this week, and explain the eye patch in one fail swoop...If someone else has any better ideas, I am open to them.
I will see Dad tomorrow because he has an appointment with the chemotherapy doctor. So, I plan to go to Mom in the morning in hopes I catch the doctors on their rounds, and then I will walk down to the Cancer Center for Dad's appointment, then back up in hopes that she will be released and I can take her home.
Speaking of which, I am my Mother's daughter, after all, so I went over to her house last night, and was there late tidying up...Washed her sheets, and threw away the old milk and took out the trash...And vacuumed, and wiped everything down with a Clorox wipe...Just like my Mom would do. I don't do this in my own house mind you, but, I know my Mom, and if it is not done, she will do one of two things...Either she will do it herself, or worry about it until it is done. I know I will have missed something, but if I can knock as many of these "worries" out of the way, she will hopefully come home and rest...Fat chance, I know, but I went crazy out of my way to try and help...Kinda like she does with my Dad. So, yes, I realize I have some of the "Dorothy" tendencies...Keep your fingers crossed that at least some of my efforts will pay off. For Dorothy, it is a fine line between, "don't touch my stuff," and "I want this to be done." At least I sleep well at night and let's be honest...I am not a size 2...(I actually eat stuff), and I have youth on my side (LOL)...And I did it for one night...Yes, I can rationalize it all I want, and I just sound more like her...Sheesh...
Anyway, send your good thoughts to us tomorrow...Both with my Mom and Dad.:)
Much love!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
No news is good news?
Not too much closer to a cause with Mom. I spoke to the neurologist this morning, another neurologist because the one we were dealing with is off this weekend. So, this means explaining everything all over again. This is the neurologist that requested a consultation with the infectious disease doctor, who also stopped by today. I didn't get to meet this new doctor, but Mom really liked him.
The neurologist said they are looking at the spinal fluid to see if there is cancer cells in it. The cerbrospinal fluid that is in your brain and spinal chord surrounds the nerves and if there is cancer somewhere, some of the cells may become detached and be in the fluid. They also want to look into things like viral meningitis, and (a big stretch, the Dr. admitted) West Nile Virus. Those test results will not come back for a few days. The initial results displayed a high level of inflammation, and they are just trying to see where that is coming from.
This neurologist ordered another MRI, specifically focusing on the brain stem, and they did that today. We will get the results to that tomorrow.
I was there for several hours in the morning, and right before I left, Dr. Hardy came in. He is just such a dear man...I am so thankful, that although this (strokes, vascular) is not his specialty, we have him to consult with. His bedside manner is simply wonderful, and makes the other doctor look like a big old jerk. Anyway, Dr. Hardy pulled up a chair and sat down, and explained to my Mom and I everything that was going on. He said that if they were not unable to find anything that caused this, they would likely consider that she had a microscopic stroke involving that cranial nerve #3 (C3). It would be so small, that the damage would not be seen on any test, but demonstrated in the paralysis or palsy of the eye muscles, due to the nerve damage. He said the nerves are very sensitive, and it doesn't take much to damage them. The good news about that, is most likely, the nerve will regenerate, and she will slowly get the use of her eye back. Maybe not all of it, but there are prescription lenses you can use to help an eye that has a weakness like this.
They said she will most likely go home tomorrow or Monday, unless they find something on one of these tests. At one point today, she had such an excruciating headache, I told the nurse "it is like she is getting worse in here!" They gave her some Dilaudid, she fell asleep, and felt pretty good when she woke up an hour or so later. She is so tired and sleepy. They have her on quite a bit of pain medication, but she will wake up from a dead sleep to tell me she is tired. I am not sure if that is a symptom, a reaction to all the medication, or just the fact that she has been burning the candle at both ends with my Dad for the past 3 months.
I did go see Dad for several hours today. They had just moved him back to his old room #37. It has all been remodeled and is gorgeous. I love the colors, and the dark hardwood floors and furniture. His TV has been moved from across the room, to the wall next to his bed. It is about a 15" flat screen on a swivel mount, so it is just perfect for his viewing. And it is on his weak side, so that should help him to continue to strengthen it. This room is so much quieter because in room 20, he was right next to the kitchen, and the banging of plates and silverware 3 times a day got old real fast.
He was good today. He asked about Mom, and what she was doing, and I told him she is sleeping a lot (not really a lie, right?), and getting better so she could come and see him soon. He seemed ok with that.
I brought him a chocolate peanut butter shake from Beef and Bun (his new favorite thing), and as we were sitting there talking, our friend Dennis came in. Dennis reminded us that the Aztec/Notre Dame game was being televised. They were in the third quarter and the Aztecs were ahead...As soon as we turned it on, the stupid mistakes started happening...Dropping the ball, unable to sufficiently cover the other team...Needless to say, SDSU lost. Sheesh...
I left Dad, and went back to see Mom. When I got there she had the bad headache, and after they gave her the pain meds, I went down to the cafeteria to grab dinner. One overcooked corn dog and an order tator tots later, I was back in with my Mom and she was sleeping...And I had a tummy ache...I will never learn...Too much fried food...
Anyway, when the nurses came to do the shift change, she woke up feeling pretty good. We reheated her dinner (the tiniest little piece of fish you ever did see, and 3 chunks of potato), but it had sat too long, so she ate most of it, but didn't really enjoy it.
I told her about seeing Dad, and she asked me to explain again what the doctors said. She seemed better tonight than she has in the past few days. I hope that means she is feeling better.
I will keep you all posted as to what is next. Please, if you go see my Dad, don't mention that Mom is in the hospital. I am not sure if we will ever tell him that she was this sick...The eye patch will require a creative storyline, but we should be able to come up with something so he won't worry.
Anyway, hope everyone is enjoying their weekend...Boy, it was a hot one today!
Much love.
The neurologist said they are looking at the spinal fluid to see if there is cancer cells in it. The cerbrospinal fluid that is in your brain and spinal chord surrounds the nerves and if there is cancer somewhere, some of the cells may become detached and be in the fluid. They also want to look into things like viral meningitis, and (a big stretch, the Dr. admitted) West Nile Virus. Those test results will not come back for a few days. The initial results displayed a high level of inflammation, and they are just trying to see where that is coming from.
This neurologist ordered another MRI, specifically focusing on the brain stem, and they did that today. We will get the results to that tomorrow.
I was there for several hours in the morning, and right before I left, Dr. Hardy came in. He is just such a dear man...I am so thankful, that although this (strokes, vascular) is not his specialty, we have him to consult with. His bedside manner is simply wonderful, and makes the other doctor look like a big old jerk. Anyway, Dr. Hardy pulled up a chair and sat down, and explained to my Mom and I everything that was going on. He said that if they were not unable to find anything that caused this, they would likely consider that she had a microscopic stroke involving that cranial nerve #3 (C3). It would be so small, that the damage would not be seen on any test, but demonstrated in the paralysis or palsy of the eye muscles, due to the nerve damage. He said the nerves are very sensitive, and it doesn't take much to damage them. The good news about that, is most likely, the nerve will regenerate, and she will slowly get the use of her eye back. Maybe not all of it, but there are prescription lenses you can use to help an eye that has a weakness like this.
They said she will most likely go home tomorrow or Monday, unless they find something on one of these tests. At one point today, she had such an excruciating headache, I told the nurse "it is like she is getting worse in here!" They gave her some Dilaudid, she fell asleep, and felt pretty good when she woke up an hour or so later. She is so tired and sleepy. They have her on quite a bit of pain medication, but she will wake up from a dead sleep to tell me she is tired. I am not sure if that is a symptom, a reaction to all the medication, or just the fact that she has been burning the candle at both ends with my Dad for the past 3 months.
I did go see Dad for several hours today. They had just moved him back to his old room #37. It has all been remodeled and is gorgeous. I love the colors, and the dark hardwood floors and furniture. His TV has been moved from across the room, to the wall next to his bed. It is about a 15" flat screen on a swivel mount, so it is just perfect for his viewing. And it is on his weak side, so that should help him to continue to strengthen it. This room is so much quieter because in room 20, he was right next to the kitchen, and the banging of plates and silverware 3 times a day got old real fast.
He was good today. He asked about Mom, and what she was doing, and I told him she is sleeping a lot (not really a lie, right?), and getting better so she could come and see him soon. He seemed ok with that.
I brought him a chocolate peanut butter shake from Beef and Bun (his new favorite thing), and as we were sitting there talking, our friend Dennis came in. Dennis reminded us that the Aztec/Notre Dame game was being televised. They were in the third quarter and the Aztecs were ahead...As soon as we turned it on, the stupid mistakes started happening...Dropping the ball, unable to sufficiently cover the other team...Needless to say, SDSU lost. Sheesh...
I left Dad, and went back to see Mom. When I got there she had the bad headache, and after they gave her the pain meds, I went down to the cafeteria to grab dinner. One overcooked corn dog and an order tator tots later, I was back in with my Mom and she was sleeping...And I had a tummy ache...I will never learn...Too much fried food...
Anyway, when the nurses came to do the shift change, she woke up feeling pretty good. We reheated her dinner (the tiniest little piece of fish you ever did see, and 3 chunks of potato), but it had sat too long, so she ate most of it, but didn't really enjoy it.
I told her about seeing Dad, and she asked me to explain again what the doctors said. She seemed better tonight than she has in the past few days. I hope that means she is feeling better.
I will keep you all posted as to what is next. Please, if you go see my Dad, don't mention that Mom is in the hospital. I am not sure if we will ever tell him that she was this sick...The eye patch will require a creative storyline, but we should be able to come up with something so he won't worry.
Anyway, hope everyone is enjoying their weekend...Boy, it was a hot one today!
Much love.
Friday, September 5, 2008
I would start a new blog, but "Dorth on the Rocks" doesn't have the same ring to it...
Today was a rough day. Another day without seeing Dad...My Aunt had "Dad duty" tonight. He still thinks Mom is home in bed with a bad cold...And that is the way we want to keep it for now. And we really don't know much more about Mom today than we did yesterday.
I have gotten several interpretations from the MRI they did last night. The first one was from a Dr. Soumekh, one of the neurosurgeons. From what I understand, he is an excellent surgeon, but he has a terrible bedside manner. He had recommended a spinal tap, and when I asked the nurse why, she said "to rule out meningitis." Well, I am no doctor, but I know she doesn't have meningitis, so I said I wanted to talk to the doctor before agreeing to the test. Well, he seemed (my perception, and I am a little on edge as you can imagine) to be irritated that I was second guessing his test. He said that on the MRI from last night, they found an abnormality where the nerve "pops out" of the brain. He said "it could be a cancer cell, and we want to check the spinal fluid." I was still not convinced. I tried to call Dr. Hardy, but he was in surgery all day. So, I went to talk to the neurologist that had helped me before. I went back toward her room to wait, and was approached by another doctor, Dr. Terramani, and he proceeded to tell me that they saw on the angiogram results, that Mom's right carotid artery is 80% blocked. This has nothing to do with the eye issue, but once we get that resolved, we may want to have that looked at.
The opthamologist that had talked to me on the phone yesterday morning came by to see how she was. I told him they wanted to do the spinal tap, and he said that it is the most logical step, and should be done. So, I consented to it.
The results to the spinal tap were abnormal, and I am supposed to meet with another neurologist in the morning to go over those results. He also wants to consult with an infectious disease doctor...I am not sure what that is going to mean. I will let you know.
It was a rough day for Mom. She is so frustrated, and with all of these tests, she keeps being required to lay flat on her back, very still for extended periods of time after the test. She has such a bad back, that is the worst thing for her. So, the pain, on top of the confusion, on top of the feeling like she is being held hostage, compounded with not seeing my Dad, she is just miserable. I also think a huge part of it is that she hasn't had a smoke in 2 days.
Smokers out there...Do yourself and your family a favor...Quit now! Not only is it disgusting, and really bad for you and those around you, it plays hell when you can't smoke...For instance, oh I don't know...When you are in the hospital? It just makes whatever you are in there for that much worse with the nicotine withdrawals. I know, you are blowing me off right now...And so would my Mom, even though she is experiencing it now....I'm just sayin'.
I will write some more tomorrow. I hope to go to the hospital in the morning to meet with the doctors, and then go see my Dad, and then probably back to the hospital. I am not sure what all this means, but I am doing my darndest to get to the bottom of it all.
Enjoy your weekend!
Much love.
I have gotten several interpretations from the MRI they did last night. The first one was from a Dr. Soumekh, one of the neurosurgeons. From what I understand, he is an excellent surgeon, but he has a terrible bedside manner. He had recommended a spinal tap, and when I asked the nurse why, she said "to rule out meningitis." Well, I am no doctor, but I know she doesn't have meningitis, so I said I wanted to talk to the doctor before agreeing to the test. Well, he seemed (my perception, and I am a little on edge as you can imagine) to be irritated that I was second guessing his test. He said that on the MRI from last night, they found an abnormality where the nerve "pops out" of the brain. He said "it could be a cancer cell, and we want to check the spinal fluid." I was still not convinced. I tried to call Dr. Hardy, but he was in surgery all day. So, I went to talk to the neurologist that had helped me before. I went back toward her room to wait, and was approached by another doctor, Dr. Terramani, and he proceeded to tell me that they saw on the angiogram results, that Mom's right carotid artery is 80% blocked. This has nothing to do with the eye issue, but once we get that resolved, we may want to have that looked at.
The opthamologist that had talked to me on the phone yesterday morning came by to see how she was. I told him they wanted to do the spinal tap, and he said that it is the most logical step, and should be done. So, I consented to it.
The results to the spinal tap were abnormal, and I am supposed to meet with another neurologist in the morning to go over those results. He also wants to consult with an infectious disease doctor...I am not sure what that is going to mean. I will let you know.
It was a rough day for Mom. She is so frustrated, and with all of these tests, she keeps being required to lay flat on her back, very still for extended periods of time after the test. She has such a bad back, that is the worst thing for her. So, the pain, on top of the confusion, on top of the feeling like she is being held hostage, compounded with not seeing my Dad, she is just miserable. I also think a huge part of it is that she hasn't had a smoke in 2 days.
Smokers out there...Do yourself and your family a favor...Quit now! Not only is it disgusting, and really bad for you and those around you, it plays hell when you can't smoke...For instance, oh I don't know...When you are in the hospital? It just makes whatever you are in there for that much worse with the nicotine withdrawals. I know, you are blowing me off right now...And so would my Mom, even though she is experiencing it now....I'm just sayin'.
I will write some more tomorrow. I hope to go to the hospital in the morning to meet with the doctors, and then go see my Dad, and then probably back to the hospital. I am not sure what all this means, but I am doing my darndest to get to the bottom of it all.
Enjoy your weekend!
Much love.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Hospital Shoes...
So, you remember the "hospital purse" my Mom got me for my birthday? Well, I have added to my collection. Looking for something to read today, I went into the hospital gift shop...No good books or magazines, but, there they were, super cute, and 30% off...Little brown seed beads and sequins, and a square of mother of pearl on top...Yes, in the hospital gift shop. I couldn't resist...A little shoe therapy never hurt anyone.
So, the rest of this blog post has 2 caveats...The first is for everyone...My Dad does not know anything about what I am going to write about, and I would appreciate it if no one mentions anything about any of this to him until I post that he has been told. The second caveat is for Allison and Steph K...If for some reason, either of you are reading my blog on vacation, you need to stop right now, do not read any further, have a wonderful trip, and call me when you get home.
Ok, so here goes...The reason why I was at the hospital today. So, I mentioned that my Mom had a cold, and went home from my Dad a little earlier on Tuesday because she had a cold. She went home and made dinner and went right to bed. She then called my at 11:50 am on Wednesday to tell me that she was feeling really bad, and that she didn't want to risk exposing Dad, so she was going to stay home. I reassured her that I would be there for Dad's dinner and make sure he was set for the evening.
As Dad and I were talking, my cell phone rings, and it is my Mom. I am thinking she is checking up on Dad, and making sure that I am there, so I answer "Hi Mom, I am here, Dad is doing good." Then the response I get is "Aimee, I think I am going blind in my left eye, it won't look straight." So, doing my best to not sound alarmed in front of my Dad, I told her that I would be over soon. I got Dad set up for bedtime, and told him I had to go.
I raced over to my parent's house, and Mom was in bed. I took a look at her eye, and sure enough, it was looking way over to the left, instead of straight ahead. I did some of the stroke tests (smile, squeeze my hands, raise both arms, etc.) and she seemed pretty good, and other than the cold and the eye, she wasn't having any other problems. I took the chance on looking up the symptoms online quickly, and it confirmed what I was feeling, it said "Seek emergency medical help immediately." After a short debate, I took Mom to emergency. If there had been any other symptoms, I would have called 911 (and probably should have, but I got lucky). Got Mom into the ER and they took her right in.
Suspecting stroke or aneurysm, they did a CT and an MRI (I asked her if she saw "Scotch was here" on the inside of the MRI machine), and found nothing that looked like either of those. They were still concerned, so they admitted her and wanted the Opthamologist, the Neurologist and the Neurosurgeon to look at the results first thing in the morning. She got settled into her room and I went home at about 3:30 am. I ran by her house to clean up a few things. What had happened, is she had slept most of the day, and got up to make herself dinner. She made herself 2 fried eggs and toast. She sat down to eat, took one bite, and her vision started blurring, and she got a little dizzy. So, she decided to lay down, and she got up and made her way to the bed, stopping briefly in the bathroom to look at herself, which is when she noticed the eye.
So, I went to her house, cleaned the dishes, took the trash out, and went home. I fed my hungry dogs, and went to bed at about 4:30 am. My plan was to get up and be back at the hospital by 9:oo in hopes of talking to the Dr.s. My plan was shot at 7:50 am when the opthamologist, Dr. Trager called to say that they don't see anything on the films, but he consulted with Dr. Hardy the neurosurgeon (sound familiar?), and they both agreed that they wanted to do an Angiogram. This is a test where they feed a very thin wire up through your femoral artery (near your groin) and using a combination of dye, and x-rays to take a close look at the veins to see if they can find an aneurysm, which is a weakness in the wall of a vein or artery that can cause severe damage or even instant death if it bursts. They said that the test could have complications, but that the benefits outweigh the risks.
So, today, they did the angiogram and what they call an MRA which is like the angiogram, but instead of x-rays, they use the MRI machine. Both the angiogram and the MRA came back completely normal, no sign of aneurysm or stroke. I spoke briefly with Dr. Hardy, and he says they are just puzzled. They cannot find anything. They were suspecting that there is an issue with cranial nerve #3 is either not getting the circulation it needs, or it is being impeded in some way. The cranial nerve #3 controls eye movement, and originates from the brain stem. They did one more MRI this evening on another area of the brain, and we will find out the results tomorrow.
All in all, Mom is feeling ok, other than her cold, which she of course still has, back pain from laying in a strange bed and having to keep laying flat on her back on the hard tables of the machines, oh, and I suspect she is starting to get a visit from the "Nicotine Monster," as she hasn't had a cig in over 24 hours. And she is just really scared.
When Dr. Hardy said that they couldn't find the cause, I asked him if that was good or bad news. He said he wasn't willing to answer that, because he didn't want to make any predictions.
So, please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers, and we will do our best to get through each day. Special thanks to the Helmantolers for coming down today and for taking Dad some Costco pizza. On our instruction, they told him that Mom still wasn't feeling well because of her cold and that I had to work late. I hope to go see Dad tomorrow, but still not sure what I am going to tell him about Mom. I hate to tell him anything until there is something to tell. He gets so worried...He still talks about our family friend who had the seizures all the time. This will probably be really devastating and detrimental. So, again, if you go see him, please don't mention anything to him about Mom.
I am trying to be in like 12 places at once, but I will do my best to keep the blog current with news about both Scotch and Dorth.
Love to all.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Back to the grind...
Sorry no post on Sunday or Monday. I was away from work for 3 whole days, and I just couldn't bring myself to turn the computer on. I know...Lame excuse...
I did get to spend time with Dad on Sunday and Monday. Monday was the best day. We got him up in the chair, and he and I went out into the patio, and he had a smoke, and we tried playing a little blackjack. It was fun, but he just doesn't have the context of numbers. He just didn't understand the relationship of the cards to 21. It makes me sad because that was one of his favorite games. But, regardless, we had fun. Then we went in and buzzed the hair on his head again, and trimmed up everything, and then he had his shower. He always likes his shower days.
Our friend Jim came by, and stayed for a few minutes, but Dad had a busy day outside with me, and the shower, it all just took any energy he had. He was exhausted.
My Mom has come down with a cold, so she left a little early tonight so she could go home and get some rest. Dad and I just talked for awhile. We talked about the family, and reminisced about when he was a child. It is kind of weird, he remembers some things so perfectly clear (like when his uncles Clarence and David got into a fist fight on Christmas), but it took me a few times explaining that Clarence and David were his father's brothers. I guess that goes back to that part of his brain that does the organizing being effected, whereas his memory is still pretty good.
He asked me questions about brain tumors and what they are and where the come from. I wish I had answers for him. I mourn the way life used to be for all of us every day. I was so stressed then...And now I look back and think "what did I ever have to stress about?" When I have a sad moment, I think about the coulda-shoulda-wouldas, and regret the opportunities that I have lost by procrastinating, or thinking "maybe next time."
But then I realize how lucky I am...How lucky we all are. Although there is a lot of bad going on, there is so much to be thankful for. And there is hope...It may not be the hope I wish for, but there is hope. It is just a matter of taking our lemons, and making lemonade. My Dad hates lemonade, by the way. But it is a little harder to make a decent milkshake out of sour milk...:)
Bottom line is, don't let life get in the way of living. Make time for those you love, do the things you want to do with them, when you want to do them. Because you just never know what is going to happen...Don't let a moment pass to tell them you love them, or that you are proud of them, or how special they are to you.
I did find a hand held blackjack game at Target. I hope to show Dad how to use it so that he is comfortable. Just something for him to use to pass the time. I asked Dad if he would like me to write him some stories to read, and he said yes. I asked what he wanted to read about, and he said, "the future...Your future. What you want in life." I told him, "if I only knew..."
His longtime friend Rip came by today. My Dad sure loves visitors, but he says that Rip always makes him laugh. They go back many years. He loves to hear all of Rip's stories, I think he lives vicariously through them.
Sorry this was such an emotional post...Sometimes I just gotta let it out...Thanks for reading, and hopefully taking it to heart in your life.
Love to all.
I did get to spend time with Dad on Sunday and Monday. Monday was the best day. We got him up in the chair, and he and I went out into the patio, and he had a smoke, and we tried playing a little blackjack. It was fun, but he just doesn't have the context of numbers. He just didn't understand the relationship of the cards to 21. It makes me sad because that was one of his favorite games. But, regardless, we had fun. Then we went in and buzzed the hair on his head again, and trimmed up everything, and then he had his shower. He always likes his shower days.
Our friend Jim came by, and stayed for a few minutes, but Dad had a busy day outside with me, and the shower, it all just took any energy he had. He was exhausted.
My Mom has come down with a cold, so she left a little early tonight so she could go home and get some rest. Dad and I just talked for awhile. We talked about the family, and reminisced about when he was a child. It is kind of weird, he remembers some things so perfectly clear (like when his uncles Clarence and David got into a fist fight on Christmas), but it took me a few times explaining that Clarence and David were his father's brothers. I guess that goes back to that part of his brain that does the organizing being effected, whereas his memory is still pretty good.
He asked me questions about brain tumors and what they are and where the come from. I wish I had answers for him. I mourn the way life used to be for all of us every day. I was so stressed then...And now I look back and think "what did I ever have to stress about?" When I have a sad moment, I think about the coulda-shoulda-wouldas, and regret the opportunities that I have lost by procrastinating, or thinking "maybe next time."
But then I realize how lucky I am...How lucky we all are. Although there is a lot of bad going on, there is so much to be thankful for. And there is hope...It may not be the hope I wish for, but there is hope. It is just a matter of taking our lemons, and making lemonade. My Dad hates lemonade, by the way. But it is a little harder to make a decent milkshake out of sour milk...:)
Bottom line is, don't let life get in the way of living. Make time for those you love, do the things you want to do with them, when you want to do them. Because you just never know what is going to happen...Don't let a moment pass to tell them you love them, or that you are proud of them, or how special they are to you.
I did find a hand held blackjack game at Target. I hope to show Dad how to use it so that he is comfortable. Just something for him to use to pass the time. I asked Dad if he would like me to write him some stories to read, and he said yes. I asked what he wanted to read about, and he said, "the future...Your future. What you want in life." I told him, "if I only knew..."
His longtime friend Rip came by today. My Dad sure loves visitors, but he says that Rip always makes him laugh. They go back many years. He loves to hear all of Rip's stories, I think he lives vicariously through them.
Sorry this was such an emotional post...Sometimes I just gotta let it out...Thanks for reading, and hopefully taking it to heart in your life.
Love to all.
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