Well, it has been a very long week. My Mom has taken a turn for the worse, and I am just not sure if she is going to pull through this time. She has surprised me before on several occasions, but this time, I think, her little body may not make it.
I spent the day with her on Saturday, and she was tired that day, and she decided to stay in bed all day. She was talkative, and social and we laughed together. I even brought her a Jumbo Jack, french fries and onion rings, of which she ate most. As I was leaving, I told her I loved her, and I would see her Monday, and she told me she loved me to and to drive careful as she always does...Those may be the last words my Mom ever says to me...Who could ask for better words.
On Sunday, I went out to the cemetary for the first time since Dad was buried. I wanted to spend some time with him on Father's day, and it was harder than I had anticipated. But ultimately, other than getting ripped off by the gift shop by having to PAY for the dumb plastic vase with the spike on the bottom for flowers, it was a lovely day, and I spent about an hour sitting between Dad and my Grandparents. I then spent the rest of the day with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins bar-b-qing. It was as good a Father's day as I could have imagined.
Monday was supposed to bring the long awaited trip to the doctor for Mom. We were finally on the way to finding out what was causing all of her intestinal issues. Her appointment was for 12:30, but the nursing home called me at 11:00 to tell me that they had cancelled Mom's appointment because she was too drowsy to go. When I inquired as to why she was drowsy, the nurse on duty told me that they gave her a Ativan (a sedative) the night before and it had not worn off. Needless to say, I was livid.
About 3 hours later, the nursing home called me to let me know that they had called 911 for my Mom and sent her out to the hospital. When I asked why, they told me that she was unresponsive. So, I asked to clarify "unresponsive..." Is that different than the "drowsy" she was earlier??? The charge nurse replied, "yes," and that her blood pressure and heart rate were elevated, and she would not respond to pain stimulus.
I got to the ER, and indeed, Mom was unresponsive. They had her on a BiPap, which is an oxygen mask that helps to push the oxygen into your lungs to help you breathe. They had done a chest x-ray and some initial blood tests. Her blood pressure was very high, and at one point had gotten up to 225 over 135, which is very unlike her. When the blood tests came back, her white count was 33,ooo. This is VERY high. Normal white blood count is between 8,000-10,ooo, with 10,500 being considered elevated. Elevated white blood cells signal infection. Except in my Mom...There have been several occasions in my Mom's life when she has had elevated white blood cells, most recently, when she was hospitalized last September with the problem with her eye. They never found an explanation for the damage to her C3 nerve which caused the eye issue, and never determined why she had such a high white blood cell count.
So, that was Monday.
They did a CT scan to check for stroke and chest x-ray to check for pneumonia. Urinalysis to check for a UTI. All negative. The admitted her, and she started having repetitive movement of her right arm and leg. She remains unresponsive to touch, pain, light...I felt like the repetitive movement she was experiencing were a type of seizure, and although the doctor and nurse didn't think so, they planned an EEG to look at her brain activity, along with an MRI of her head to check again for possible stroke, and a spinal tap to check for meningitis. They were unable to do any of these tests because she was unable to remain still enough to conduct them. The past few days, her vital signs have been very stable, and it is very hard for me to imagine she has and infection that is causing her white cell count to be so high, yet, she has no fever. And when it does go up a little, the highest it has gotten is 100 degrees.
In typical Dorothy style, the doctors are baffled. We decide to pretend that all of the tests they wanted to conduct came out positive, and the doctor ordered both viral and bacterial antibiotics, anti-seizure medication, Ativan to keep her calm (her brain and body), and we decided on a morphine drip to make sure she was not in pain. We think the morphine caused her to itch, because it appeared the repetitive movements changed up a little, and she was trying to itch. So, the doctor changed it to Dilaudid, and that seems to have worked better.
So, over the past 4 days, with Ampicillin, Vancomcyn, Flucomidazole and Rocerin, all heavy IV anti-biotics, her white cell count has gone from 33,ooo to 68,ooo. 40,000 is considered life critical. Nothing is helping.
All of this, and there is also still no concrete explanation for the loss of consciousness. They did a second CT scan this morning, now that she is still, but haven't gotten the results yet. A large stroke could cause this lack of consciousness. They also sent her to get the EEG, however the ONLY EEG tech went home sick...So, they are going to try again tomorrow. I guess seizure activity can cause loss of consciousness as well...What caused the seizures will be another puzzle if that indeed is the issue.
She is still unresponsive, and no one call tell me what is wrong with her, if she will get better, if she will awake from this state...I have watched her the past 4 days, and while we have her more comfortable with the Dilaudid and Ativan, I feel she is definitely not getting better, and I feel she is declining. If this is what any possible life holds for her, to be relegated to a bed, unaware, or unable to be aware of the world around her, then she needs to be with my Dad.
When I left last night, I was fairly sure she would not make it through the night. As I left tonight, I feel the same about tonight. At Midnight, I held her hand and sang "Happy Birthday to me" and thanked Mom for being with me as the clock turned onto my 37th birthday.
I am not sure what lies in store for us. When I spoke to Mom's sister yesterday, I think she put it best..."If you cannot pray for a miracle, then pray for mercy." As my hopes for a miracle get less and less as time goes by with little change and no true answers, then I pay for peace and relief for my Mom...Freedom from the body that has bound her for the past few months...And the opportunity to once again be reunited with my Dad and everyone else that has gone before her.
I am sorry for the down nature of this post. Let me leave you with my vision...I can't remember if I posted that I visualized Dad's entrance through the pearly gates into a huge Bar B Q, full of everyone he ever knew, and everyone he ever wanted to know. With Mom, she will have a ball...A grand ball of which she will be the belle, or queen. She will have a beautiful, long flowing dress, and her hair and make-up will be perfect, and she and my Father will waltz together for the very first time. She will get a chance to Polka with her brothers Bill and Butch, and she will see her parents, whom she lost when she was very young. I can only hope my grand vision is but a mere speck of the glories that await her.
Please keep Dorothy in your thoughts and prayers, and if she is able to pull out of this, that the possibility of her recovery is only if she is lucid enough to enjoy it.
Much love and gratitude to you all. I will keep you posted on any updates and changes.
