Hello...Yes...Still here...

Hey everyone...I know...Long time no post. Last week was just overwhelming in many ways, and each night found me either tired, exhausted, lazy, emotional, busy, sad...Something that always made me think I didn't want to post to the blog...Sorry about that...

Everyone is doing ok. Mom is slowly recovering from her surgery...Well, she is actually recovering just fine, but her constantly talking and worrying about it makes it feel so much longer to me, I guess. She is quite sore where the incision is, and she is not really happy with the final result. I keep hoping that it is just swelling and it will look better in a week or two, but we will just have to wait and see. There is a little pucker of skin in front of the incision which sticks out a little, and she keeps calling it her "Adam's apple" and I keep trying to tell her that she doesn't have one of those because she is a woman. And she asks what it is, and when I tell her that it is just skin, she tells me I am wrong because it is "hard, like bone...Could it be the esophagus bone?" She doesn't believe me that there is no such thing, and that there is probably glue which feels hard, but that it is just sking...I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.

She is driving down to see Dad, and maybe to the coffee shop, but that is about it...And that is ok with me. I am going to have to figure something else out next week when we hit daylight saving time starts...It will be getting dark pretty early..I guess I will cross that bridge when we get there.

I am missing my little dog a lot lately. I have been picking up for the maid (my friends make fun of me for this, but how can she wipe down my table if there is junk mail on it???), and picking up all of Tucker's toys just makes my heart ache. I went and picked up the little clay paw print that my vet made for me today, and I basically started crying when I walked in the door. I just miss him so much. He had so much personality, even down to the end. I had a dream with him in it the other night, and it was like losing him all over again when I woke and he wasn't here. Newman is doing pretty good, and he will be a lot better when he gets to go to doggie day care tomorrow for a bath and a romp with the other dogs. I fear he is getting a little lonely.

Let's see, and in addition to that, the plumber from the HOA came out with the camera to look at the roots growing in my sewer line. I was really concerned that they were going to have to dig into my garage floor...Silly me...That is what I get for worrying and not considering worse case scenario. No, they discovered that my root intrusion is located directly under my pantry floor in my kitchen. If it were still linoleum, like it was when I moved in, that wouldn't be a problem...Only thing is, I had tile put in 3 years ago with my EcoTimber flooring. So, IF the HOA decides to fix the problem (they may opt to "maintain" which means visits every 3-6 months where the plumber comes, pulls my toilet, augers the roots out of the drain...Which sounds fine until the roots grow extra fast one time and I am back to sewage flooding my house), then I have to empty my pantry, lose 3 tiles, and deal with jackhammering 1ft 7 inches down into my foundation...Complete with the dust, dirt, noise...I guess I will just roll with the punches and be thankful it is not under my wood flooring...Tile can be replaced and not look any different. I will have to wait and see what the board decides...But, according to one of the 4 plumbers that were here, I have the great distinction of being the first resident here at Daybreak to have a problem of this nature actually IN the residence. I am so cutting edge...

Now, to Dad, the man you are here to hear about. He is doing ok. Not much change. Still confused, still not getting much exercise, still loving the sweet stuff.:) Last week, we had a great conversation...We played 20 questions because he could not think of the name of a roll he was thinking of...After many clues...Q. "Is it sweet or savory? A. Not sweet." Q. "Where do you buy it?" A. "Up on the corner at a store." Q. "Do you put stuff on it?" A. "Sometimes." After going round and round, he finally came up with "Kaiser Roll." He said he wanted one "NOW." I told him he would have to wait until Saturday, to which he agreed to...For about 5 minutes, then he wanted one "NOW." Anyway, I went and got some Kaiser Rolls (which he for some reason he started calling "Austin" and then "Shaw..." I was beginning to think we may have "Czar" rolls and perhaps "Emperor" rolls next). Well, I made him a sandwich to die for on Saturday...Kaiser roll, mayo, mustard, turkey, swiss, bacon and avocado...Everything just like he asked for it. I brought a diet Coke and some Kettle chips...What more could a man want? I unwrapped it, gave him a bite...And he screwed up his little face and shook his head and said "there is a flavor I do not care for..." I have learned not to take it personally. I am sure it is the chemo. I will just have to deconstruct the sandwich until we figure out what things he doesn't like. He did eat his chips though, so it wasn't a total loss. I spent several hours with him on Saturday, and a several on Sunday too. I got him up and outside on Saturday, and opened a fresh pack of smokes, and he took one drag and said "this is awful." He said that he needed different cigars, and of course, being the dutiful daughter I am, posed the possibility that he just might not like smoking anymore, and he looked me right in the eye, and said "you know, you may be right..." And then he promptly smoked 4 more "awful" cigars without complaint.

He has taken to a new habit...When he isn't paying attention, and someone asks him a question, or he overhears a piece of a conversation that suddenly is of interest, his eyes get real big and he says "What?" It is hard to convey in the blog, but his intonation and manner in which he says it is so funny. It is sort of incredulous...And after a kind of pause...And he says it real quick, and kind of breathy...And sometimes, he will just mouth it if he is saying it to himself. It is pretty funny.

He is more confused than ever, and will say one thing, and I will repeat it, or ask him a question about it, and he says something different when he answers. When I try to clarify, or correct him, he gets really mad at me. And I learned my lesson...When he asks me "how are the doggies doing?" I tell him they are fine, so I don't have to have us both relive Tucker's death again. And tonight, he was confused as to which of his friends had passed away...So when I told him it was Glenn that had passed, and that Jack is ok (sorry Jack), it was almost like telling him all over again, but not quite as bad. I just hope that the next time Jack comes for a visit, Dad doesn't think he is seeing a ghost.:) Just kidding...He won't remember by then.

We go to the chemo oncologist tomorrow. I have a list of questions to ask...Not sure what answers will be there. But one of the top ones is that I expected him to get better being off of the radiation and chemo...Not get worse. One of the problems is, he puts on his game face for the doctors. He knows it is serious and doesn't want to waste their time, so he is attentive, asks pretty good and clear questions, nods his head at the right times...The radiation oncologist thought he looked pretty good...If he only knew...:) Oh well, I can only do what one girl can do I guess, and I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

I know that this is a long post tonight, but you deserve it for my 5 day sabbatical. I will let you know how the appointment goes in tomorrow's blog. Until then, have a great Tuesday!

Much love.