Things have been ok...Didn't get to see Dad tonight because I had a work meeting, and I have plans tomorrow and Thursday. It is going to be weird not to see him for 3 whole days.
He has been doing pretty good. Still confused, tired, and always very cold. Sometimes he has 5 or 6 blankets on him and he is still freezing cold. I know they keep it cold there, but he is frozen. I printed out a knit hat pattern I plan on putting together in my spare time...(are you laughing too?).
We go to see the eye doctor with Mom tomorrow. This is the eye doctor from the hospital..The one who will do the cataract surgery when it is time for that. I will be interested to see what he thinks of her left eye, and whether it is progressing or not. Sometimes I think it is getting better, and other times, I am just not sure. We don't go back to Dr. Levi at UCSD until next month.
Hope all is well.
Love to all.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Grumpy...
Dad was pretty grumpy tonight...He was acting a little surly when I got there, but he seemed to be doing ok when dinner came. It was a hot dog and chips, which he enjoyed.
About this time, he told my Mom to leave and then turned to me and said "so what happened with the water heater?" I asked him what did he mean by water heater, and he said "you know, your water heater..." So, I realized he was talking about my plumbing, so I said "there isn't anything wrong with my water heater...Do you mean my plumbing under the house?" And he snapped at me and said "whatever it is...That was not very nice of you to not know what I was talking about." So, I apologized, and told him that I was still waiting for the HOA to call...He looked right at me and sternly told me that I was not being very nice to him and it was time for me to go.
So I did...I told him I loved him, kissed him, and wished him sweet dreams, and I left. Oh well, everyone has an off day, and he is probably tired from yesterday...It was an eventful long day.
Well, as Scarlett O'Hara said..."After all...tomorrow is another day."
Love to all.
About this time, he told my Mom to leave and then turned to me and said "so what happened with the water heater?" I asked him what did he mean by water heater, and he said "you know, your water heater..." So, I realized he was talking about my plumbing, so I said "there isn't anything wrong with my water heater...Do you mean my plumbing under the house?" And he snapped at me and said "whatever it is...That was not very nice of you to not know what I was talking about." So, I apologized, and told him that I was still waiting for the HOA to call...He looked right at me and sternly told me that I was not being very nice to him and it was time for me to go.
So I did...I told him I loved him, kissed him, and wished him sweet dreams, and I left. Oh well, everyone has an off day, and he is probably tired from yesterday...It was an eventful long day.
Well, as Scarlett O'Hara said..."After all...tomorrow is another day."
Love to all.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Whew! Another crazy day!
Well, Mom and I got to the 11:15 doctor's appointment at 10:50, and when we walked in, the appointment was over and had been for about 25 minutes. The transport got him there almost an hour early. We were able to chat with Dr. Zu anyway. Dr. Zu said that he thought Dad looked good, but he was wanting to push for more PT. I asked him why Dad was so confused, and he didn't really have an answer. I told him that Dad is able to speak very clearly and coherently, but the thought process behind it is just not right. He said he is just not sure why, but we should know more after the MRI in about a month. I also asked him about why Dad is always so cold, and he said that it is not a side effect of the medication...I think it is because his circulation is not good because he is in bed so much.
There were some problems with the return transport, and unfortunately, we had to wait around over an hour for him to get picked up. He did get to sit in the sun, where he got the warm sun on his back, and I got some extra time to file Dad's fingernails...A manicure in the sun.
The maid no-showed, but at least I got the house organized, which is a huge improvement to how it has been. So no biggie. But Mom felt bad, and she came over after Dad's appointment and did some dusting...I told her not to, but she said it made her feel like she was needed and that it made her feel good to do something for me, since I do so much for them. I appreciated it, and she says she feels better...I guess everybody's happy.
Dad was in his wheelchair most of the day. And, although confused, he was much more alert and inquisitive this evening. I spoke with his nurse about the transportation debacle, and asked if there is anyway we can try and get him out of bed everyday, even for an hour or two. I wish he would roll himself around...It would get him to use his arms more and help him with his coordination...One thing at a time I guess. His nurse said she would work with the other staff to try and get him up.
My Aunt came down for dinner with Dad. I picked Newman up from doggie day care and took him with me to Magnolia. Both Newman and Dad were exhausted from the day. I think they both will get good night's sleep tonight.
I wish you all sweet dreams, and wonderful night's sleep tonight!
Love to all.
There were some problems with the return transport, and unfortunately, we had to wait around over an hour for him to get picked up. He did get to sit in the sun, where he got the warm sun on his back, and I got some extra time to file Dad's fingernails...A manicure in the sun.
The maid no-showed, but at least I got the house organized, which is a huge improvement to how it has been. So no biggie. But Mom felt bad, and she came over after Dad's appointment and did some dusting...I told her not to, but she said it made her feel like she was needed and that it made her feel good to do something for me, since I do so much for them. I appreciated it, and she says she feels better...I guess everybody's happy.
Dad was in his wheelchair most of the day. And, although confused, he was much more alert and inquisitive this evening. I spoke with his nurse about the transportation debacle, and asked if there is anyway we can try and get him out of bed everyday, even for an hour or two. I wish he would roll himself around...It would get him to use his arms more and help him with his coordination...One thing at a time I guess. His nurse said she would work with the other staff to try and get him up.
My Aunt came down for dinner with Dad. I picked Newman up from doggie day care and took him with me to Magnolia. Both Newman and Dad were exhausted from the day. I think they both will get good night's sleep tonight.
I wish you all sweet dreams, and wonderful night's sleep tonight!
Love to all.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Hello...Yes...Still here...
Hey everyone...I know...Long time no post. Last week was just overwhelming in many ways, and each night found me either tired, exhausted, lazy, emotional, busy, sad...Something that always made me think I didn't want to post to the blog...Sorry about that...
Everyone is doing ok. Mom is slowly recovering from her surgery...Well, she is actually recovering just fine, but her constantly talking and worrying about it makes it feel so much longer to me, I guess. She is quite sore where the incision is, and she is not really happy with the final result. I keep hoping that it is just swelling and it will look better in a week or two, but we will just have to wait and see. There is a little pucker of skin in front of the incision which sticks out a little, and she keeps calling it her "Adam's apple" and I keep trying to tell her that she doesn't have one of those because she is a woman. And she asks what it is, and when I tell her that it is just skin, she tells me I am wrong because it is "hard, like bone...Could it be the esophagus bone?" She doesn't believe me that there is no such thing, and that there is probably glue which feels hard, but that it is just sking...I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.
She is driving down to see Dad, and maybe to the coffee shop, but that is about it...And that is ok with me. I am going to have to figure something else out next week when we hit daylight saving time starts...It will be getting dark pretty early..I guess I will cross that bridge when we get there.
I am missing my little dog a lot lately. I have been picking up for the maid (my friends make fun of me for this, but how can she wipe down my table if there is junk mail on it???), and picking up all of Tucker's toys just makes my heart ache. I went and picked up the little clay paw print that my vet made for me today, and I basically started crying when I walked in the door. I just miss him so much. He had so much personality, even down to the end. I had a dream with him in it the other night, and it was like losing him all over again when I woke and he wasn't here. Newman is doing pretty good, and he will be a lot better when he gets to go to doggie day care tomorrow for a bath and a romp with the other dogs. I fear he is getting a little lonely.
Let's see, and in addition to that, the plumber from the HOA came out with the camera to look at the roots growing in my sewer line. I was really concerned that they were going to have to dig into my garage floor...Silly me...That is what I get for worrying and not considering worse case scenario. No, they discovered that my root intrusion is located directly under my pantry floor in my kitchen. If it were still linoleum, like it was when I moved in, that wouldn't be a problem...Only thing is, I had tile put in 3 years ago with my EcoTimber flooring. So, IF the HOA decides to fix the problem (they may opt to "maintain" which means visits every 3-6 months where the plumber comes, pulls my toilet, augers the roots out of the drain...Which sounds fine until the roots grow extra fast one time and I am back to sewage flooding my house), then I have to empty my pantry, lose 3 tiles, and deal with jackhammering 1ft 7 inches down into my foundation...Complete with the dust, dirt, noise...I guess I will just roll with the punches and be thankful it is not under my wood flooring...Tile can be replaced and not look any different. I will have to wait and see what the board decides...But, according to one of the 4 plumbers that were here, I have the great distinction of being the first resident here at Daybreak to have a problem of this nature actually IN the residence. I am so cutting edge...
Now, to Dad, the man you are here to hear about. He is doing ok. Not much change. Still confused, still not getting much exercise, still loving the sweet stuff.:) Last week, we had a great conversation...We played 20 questions because he could not think of the name of a roll he was thinking of...After many clues...Q. "Is it sweet or savory? A. Not sweet." Q. "Where do you buy it?" A. "Up on the corner at a store." Q. "Do you put stuff on it?" A. "Sometimes." After going round and round, he finally came up with "Kaiser Roll." He said he wanted one "NOW." I told him he would have to wait until Saturday, to which he agreed to...For about 5 minutes, then he wanted one "NOW." Anyway, I went and got some Kaiser Rolls (which he for some reason he started calling "Austin" and then "Shaw..." I was beginning to think we may have "Czar" rolls and perhaps "Emperor" rolls next). Well, I made him a sandwich to die for on Saturday...Kaiser roll, mayo, mustard, turkey, swiss, bacon and avocado...Everything just like he asked for it. I brought a diet Coke and some Kettle chips...What more could a man want? I unwrapped it, gave him a bite...And he screwed up his little face and shook his head and said "there is a flavor I do not care for..." I have learned not to take it personally. I am sure it is the chemo. I will just have to deconstruct the sandwich until we figure out what things he doesn't like. He did eat his chips though, so it wasn't a total loss. I spent several hours with him on Saturday, and a several on Sunday too. I got him up and outside on Saturday, and opened a fresh pack of smokes, and he took one drag and said "this is awful." He said that he needed different cigars, and of course, being the dutiful daughter I am, posed the possibility that he just might not like smoking anymore, and he looked me right in the eye, and said "you know, you may be right..." And then he promptly smoked 4 more "awful" cigars without complaint.
He has taken to a new habit...When he isn't paying attention, and someone asks him a question, or he overhears a piece of a conversation that suddenly is of interest, his eyes get real big and he says "What?" It is hard to convey in the blog, but his intonation and manner in which he says it is so funny. It is sort of incredulous...And after a kind of pause...And he says it real quick, and kind of breathy...And sometimes, he will just mouth it if he is saying it to himself. It is pretty funny.
He is more confused than ever, and will say one thing, and I will repeat it, or ask him a question about it, and he says something different when he answers. When I try to clarify, or correct him, he gets really mad at me. And I learned my lesson...When he asks me "how are the doggies doing?" I tell him they are fine, so I don't have to have us both relive Tucker's death again. And tonight, he was confused as to which of his friends had passed away...So when I told him it was Glenn that had passed, and that Jack is ok (sorry Jack), it was almost like telling him all over again, but not quite as bad. I just hope that the next time Jack comes for a visit, Dad doesn't think he is seeing a ghost.:) Just kidding...He won't remember by then.
We go to the chemo oncologist tomorrow. I have a list of questions to ask...Not sure what answers will be there. But one of the top ones is that I expected him to get better being off of the radiation and chemo...Not get worse. One of the problems is, he puts on his game face for the doctors. He knows it is serious and doesn't want to waste their time, so he is attentive, asks pretty good and clear questions, nods his head at the right times...The radiation oncologist thought he looked pretty good...If he only knew...:) Oh well, I can only do what one girl can do I guess, and I shouldn't be ashamed of that.
I know that this is a long post tonight, but you deserve it for my 5 day sabbatical. I will let you know how the appointment goes in tomorrow's blog. Until then, have a great Tuesday!
Much love.
Everyone is doing ok. Mom is slowly recovering from her surgery...Well, she is actually recovering just fine, but her constantly talking and worrying about it makes it feel so much longer to me, I guess. She is quite sore where the incision is, and she is not really happy with the final result. I keep hoping that it is just swelling and it will look better in a week or two, but we will just have to wait and see. There is a little pucker of skin in front of the incision which sticks out a little, and she keeps calling it her "Adam's apple" and I keep trying to tell her that she doesn't have one of those because she is a woman. And she asks what it is, and when I tell her that it is just skin, she tells me I am wrong because it is "hard, like bone...Could it be the esophagus bone?" She doesn't believe me that there is no such thing, and that there is probably glue which feels hard, but that it is just sking...I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.
She is driving down to see Dad, and maybe to the coffee shop, but that is about it...And that is ok with me. I am going to have to figure something else out next week when we hit daylight saving time starts...It will be getting dark pretty early..I guess I will cross that bridge when we get there.
I am missing my little dog a lot lately. I have been picking up for the maid (my friends make fun of me for this, but how can she wipe down my table if there is junk mail on it???), and picking up all of Tucker's toys just makes my heart ache. I went and picked up the little clay paw print that my vet made for me today, and I basically started crying when I walked in the door. I just miss him so much. He had so much personality, even down to the end. I had a dream with him in it the other night, and it was like losing him all over again when I woke and he wasn't here. Newman is doing pretty good, and he will be a lot better when he gets to go to doggie day care tomorrow for a bath and a romp with the other dogs. I fear he is getting a little lonely.
Let's see, and in addition to that, the plumber from the HOA came out with the camera to look at the roots growing in my sewer line. I was really concerned that they were going to have to dig into my garage floor...Silly me...That is what I get for worrying and not considering worse case scenario. No, they discovered that my root intrusion is located directly under my pantry floor in my kitchen. If it were still linoleum, like it was when I moved in, that wouldn't be a problem...Only thing is, I had tile put in 3 years ago with my EcoTimber flooring. So, IF the HOA decides to fix the problem (they may opt to "maintain" which means visits every 3-6 months where the plumber comes, pulls my toilet, augers the roots out of the drain...Which sounds fine until the roots grow extra fast one time and I am back to sewage flooding my house), then I have to empty my pantry, lose 3 tiles, and deal with jackhammering 1ft 7 inches down into my foundation...Complete with the dust, dirt, noise...I guess I will just roll with the punches and be thankful it is not under my wood flooring...Tile can be replaced and not look any different. I will have to wait and see what the board decides...But, according to one of the 4 plumbers that were here, I have the great distinction of being the first resident here at Daybreak to have a problem of this nature actually IN the residence. I am so cutting edge...
Now, to Dad, the man you are here to hear about. He is doing ok. Not much change. Still confused, still not getting much exercise, still loving the sweet stuff.:) Last week, we had a great conversation...We played 20 questions because he could not think of the name of a roll he was thinking of...After many clues...Q. "Is it sweet or savory? A. Not sweet." Q. "Where do you buy it?" A. "Up on the corner at a store." Q. "Do you put stuff on it?" A. "Sometimes." After going round and round, he finally came up with "Kaiser Roll." He said he wanted one "NOW." I told him he would have to wait until Saturday, to which he agreed to...For about 5 minutes, then he wanted one "NOW." Anyway, I went and got some Kaiser Rolls (which he for some reason he started calling "Austin" and then "Shaw..." I was beginning to think we may have "Czar" rolls and perhaps "Emperor" rolls next). Well, I made him a sandwich to die for on Saturday...Kaiser roll, mayo, mustard, turkey, swiss, bacon and avocado...Everything just like he asked for it. I brought a diet Coke and some Kettle chips...What more could a man want? I unwrapped it, gave him a bite...And he screwed up his little face and shook his head and said "there is a flavor I do not care for..." I have learned not to take it personally. I am sure it is the chemo. I will just have to deconstruct the sandwich until we figure out what things he doesn't like. He did eat his chips though, so it wasn't a total loss. I spent several hours with him on Saturday, and a several on Sunday too. I got him up and outside on Saturday, and opened a fresh pack of smokes, and he took one drag and said "this is awful." He said that he needed different cigars, and of course, being the dutiful daughter I am, posed the possibility that he just might not like smoking anymore, and he looked me right in the eye, and said "you know, you may be right..." And then he promptly smoked 4 more "awful" cigars without complaint.
He has taken to a new habit...When he isn't paying attention, and someone asks him a question, or he overhears a piece of a conversation that suddenly is of interest, his eyes get real big and he says "What?" It is hard to convey in the blog, but his intonation and manner in which he says it is so funny. It is sort of incredulous...And after a kind of pause...And he says it real quick, and kind of breathy...And sometimes, he will just mouth it if he is saying it to himself. It is pretty funny.
He is more confused than ever, and will say one thing, and I will repeat it, or ask him a question about it, and he says something different when he answers. When I try to clarify, or correct him, he gets really mad at me. And I learned my lesson...When he asks me "how are the doggies doing?" I tell him they are fine, so I don't have to have us both relive Tucker's death again. And tonight, he was confused as to which of his friends had passed away...So when I told him it was Glenn that had passed, and that Jack is ok (sorry Jack), it was almost like telling him all over again, but not quite as bad. I just hope that the next time Jack comes for a visit, Dad doesn't think he is seeing a ghost.:) Just kidding...He won't remember by then.
We go to the chemo oncologist tomorrow. I have a list of questions to ask...Not sure what answers will be there. But one of the top ones is that I expected him to get better being off of the radiation and chemo...Not get worse. One of the problems is, he puts on his game face for the doctors. He knows it is serious and doesn't want to waste their time, so he is attentive, asks pretty good and clear questions, nods his head at the right times...The radiation oncologist thought he looked pretty good...If he only knew...:) Oh well, I can only do what one girl can do I guess, and I shouldn't be ashamed of that.
I know that this is a long post tonight, but you deserve it for my 5 day sabbatical. I will let you know how the appointment goes in tomorrow's blog. Until then, have a great Tuesday!
Much love.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Brought Mom home today. She is still in pain, but otherwise doing pretty ok. She is kind of emotional, as this is all a lot on her, but that too shall pass.
I thought Mom was pigeon-holed into having to be a pirate for Halloween with the eye, but I am thinking she may be able to be a B-movie slasher victim...The incision on her neck is quite sizable. It is horizontal, and about halfway between her shoulder and her ear, wrapping around toward the front. It is about 3.5 inches long! They used glue to close it, so it should heal pretty well, and once the swelling goes down a little, you will probably not really be able to see it. Let's hope so anyway...
I got to the hospital at about 11:00, and she told me that they had not discharged her yet, and Dr. Guzzetta (who assisted on the surgery) came by and told her she could stay another day if she wanted to. But, her IV was hurting, and the woman in the room next door "must be on dope" (according to my Mom...The girl was severely agitated and was yelling), and her roomate turned on the television at 5:00 am...So, she decided to come home. We got her home at about 3:00.
Tonight was a little rough...I think the emotions and having to be on her own when she is recovering from surgery is really hard on her. And try as I might, I am just not my Dad. I am hoping that tomorrow will be a little better with another day of healing under her belt and perhaps a good night's sleep.
I did spend several hours with Dad today, and told him that Mom is tired and resting, taking care of herself for a couple days. He bought it...Sort of. He was in pretty good spirits today.
Mom is not sure if she is going to go see Dad tomorrow...She just may wait another day or so. My Aunt said that she will give her a ride if she decides to go, and if she doesn't want to go tomorrow, my Aunt will go down and see Dad. I am going to try and go to the Jimmy Buffett concert tomorrow with friends...If all goes well with Mom tonight and tomorrow. Just got to wait and see...:)
Much love!
I thought Mom was pigeon-holed into having to be a pirate for Halloween with the eye, but I am thinking she may be able to be a B-movie slasher victim...The incision on her neck is quite sizable. It is horizontal, and about halfway between her shoulder and her ear, wrapping around toward the front. It is about 3.5 inches long! They used glue to close it, so it should heal pretty well, and once the swelling goes down a little, you will probably not really be able to see it. Let's hope so anyway...
I got to the hospital at about 11:00, and she told me that they had not discharged her yet, and Dr. Guzzetta (who assisted on the surgery) came by and told her she could stay another day if she wanted to. But, her IV was hurting, and the woman in the room next door "must be on dope" (according to my Mom...The girl was severely agitated and was yelling), and her roomate turned on the television at 5:00 am...So, she decided to come home. We got her home at about 3:00.
Tonight was a little rough...I think the emotions and having to be on her own when she is recovering from surgery is really hard on her. And try as I might, I am just not my Dad. I am hoping that tomorrow will be a little better with another day of healing under her belt and perhaps a good night's sleep.
I did spend several hours with Dad today, and told him that Mom is tired and resting, taking care of herself for a couple days. He bought it...Sort of. He was in pretty good spirits today.
Mom is not sure if she is going to go see Dad tomorrow...She just may wait another day or so. My Aunt said that she will give her a ride if she decides to go, and if she doesn't want to go tomorrow, my Aunt will go down and see Dad. I am going to try and go to the Jimmy Buffett concert tomorrow with friends...If all goes well with Mom tonight and tomorrow. Just got to wait and see...:)
Much love!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
All went very well today...
Well, although 5:00 am came very early, and I am exhausted, today went very well. Mom was in surgery for just under 2 hours, and the doctor said everything went well. He said she should be released tomorrow morning. She was in pretty good spirits, but in quite a bit of pain. They were going to work with her pain meds this evening to make sure they could control her pain with pills so she can go home.
She got into her room on the 4th floor (a new floor of nurses for her to harass) around Noon. She has a large bandage on her neck, and they are watching for signs of bleeding and making sure she is comfortable. She is a little worried about driving, at least initially...She does pretty good,but not being able to turn her head while her neck heals will put a pretty significant impact on her driving abilities. I told her that we would work it out when she is feeling up to going to see Dad, and hopefully, if some of the offers still stand, perhaps we can beg some rides down to Magnolia, and I can bring her home when I get there after work.
My friend Stephanie came down and sat with me, and then once Mom was settled, we went and grabbed lunch. I went back and checked on Mom, and then went home to catch an hour nap and then off to see Dad. He was doing pretty well this evening. Same typical conversations, but we did have one bad moment. He asked me how the doggies were doing and when I told him I only had one doggie, and that Tucker had passed away, he was shocked and devastated and began crying. I tried to explain that we told him when it happened a few weeks back, he said that we never told him. It was hard to relive it all over again, and to see Dad get so emotional. But, we made it through, and he will once again forget. I just have to prepare for next time...
After Dad, I went back down to check on Mom. She was doing well this evening and is waiting to see when she will be up to seeing Dad again. She is going back and forth on whether or not she should tell him about the surgery. I hope she decides against it. Her point is that no matter what, he will forget anyway, but why even risk upsetting him for a moment....But, I have to leave that decision up to her.
I did get a call from the HOA plumber, and they will be coming to pull my toilet and put a camera down into my sewer line to check out the tree damage on Friday morning. So, another thing to hopefully get taken care of...
Time to hit the hay...My poor little Newman is pretty tired from our early morning...I am going to join him in sleepland...:)
Thanks to all your prayers and good thoughts today...They really worked!:)
Love to all!
She got into her room on the 4th floor (a new floor of nurses for her to harass) around Noon. She has a large bandage on her neck, and they are watching for signs of bleeding and making sure she is comfortable. She is a little worried about driving, at least initially...She does pretty good,but not being able to turn her head while her neck heals will put a pretty significant impact on her driving abilities. I told her that we would work it out when she is feeling up to going to see Dad, and hopefully, if some of the offers still stand, perhaps we can beg some rides down to Magnolia, and I can bring her home when I get there after work.
My friend Stephanie came down and sat with me, and then once Mom was settled, we went and grabbed lunch. I went back and checked on Mom, and then went home to catch an hour nap and then off to see Dad. He was doing pretty well this evening. Same typical conversations, but we did have one bad moment. He asked me how the doggies were doing and when I told him I only had one doggie, and that Tucker had passed away, he was shocked and devastated and began crying. I tried to explain that we told him when it happened a few weeks back, he said that we never told him. It was hard to relive it all over again, and to see Dad get so emotional. But, we made it through, and he will once again forget. I just have to prepare for next time...
After Dad, I went back down to check on Mom. She was doing well this evening and is waiting to see when she will be up to seeing Dad again. She is going back and forth on whether or not she should tell him about the surgery. I hope she decides against it. Her point is that no matter what, he will forget anyway, but why even risk upsetting him for a moment....But, I have to leave that decision up to her.
I did get a call from the HOA plumber, and they will be coming to pull my toilet and put a camera down into my sewer line to check out the tree damage on Friday morning. So, another thing to hopefully get taken care of...
Time to hit the hay...My poor little Newman is pretty tired from our early morning...I am going to join him in sleepland...:)
Thanks to all your prayers and good thoughts today...They really worked!:)
Love to all!
Monday, October 13, 2008
4 months, 100 posts...
So, yes, on the 4 month anniversary of my Dad's surgery, it is only fitting that this would be my 100th blog post.
Dad is good, but as confused as ever. We have a similar conversation every night...It begins with his plans..."We are going to go home, and get ready and then we are just going to go..." I ask where he is going, and he is all ready to head up to Barona with Mom to get their favorite room. Then he asks me how we are going to be sure they get the room comped, and who we should tell that they will be gone.
I usually try to play the "If I were you, I would just stay in bed right where you are if I were you..." Sometimes he buys it, sometimes he doesn't...I just try over again each time.
Mom goes in for surgery tomorrow. She was originally scheduled for 2:00 p.m., but they changed it today to 7:30 a.m....Which means we need to be there to check her in at *gulp* 5:30 a.m. Sheesh that is early, but at least Mom doesn't have to go through 6 hours of no eating, drinking or smoking...That could be scary...:)
I will keep everyone posted on how she is doing, and hopefully she will be back home on Wednesday. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow and all will be just fine.
Much love!
Dad is good, but as confused as ever. We have a similar conversation every night...It begins with his plans..."We are going to go home, and get ready and then we are just going to go..." I ask where he is going, and he is all ready to head up to Barona with Mom to get their favorite room. Then he asks me how we are going to be sure they get the room comped, and who we should tell that they will be gone.
I usually try to play the "If I were you, I would just stay in bed right where you are if I were you..." Sometimes he buys it, sometimes he doesn't...I just try over again each time.
Mom goes in for surgery tomorrow. She was originally scheduled for 2:00 p.m., but they changed it today to 7:30 a.m....Which means we need to be there to check her in at *gulp* 5:30 a.m. Sheesh that is early, but at least Mom doesn't have to go through 6 hours of no eating, drinking or smoking...That could be scary...:)
I will keep everyone posted on how she is doing, and hopefully she will be back home on Wednesday. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow and all will be just fine.
Much love!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Blessing? Or curse?
Well, the good news is that the confusion Dad has is all encompassing, and today, although deep down, he knows he misses Glenn, it is not something that he dwells on. I know he hasn't forgotten totally, because he said today that he really wants to talk to Jack. I know that he wants to talk about Glenn, but he is either really good at burying them, or just unable to organize his thoughts in such a way that he can readily retrieve them.
It is sometimes difficult, because he speaks so clearly, looks so good...It is hard to believe that this person before me, angry, emotional, visibly frustrated, demanding is my Dad...And then in the next second, he will say something or do something that is so thoroughly my Dad. Like tonight, he was talking complete nonsense (in perfect sentences), and he stopped and thought for a second and said "I've got a sneakin' suspicion that I am going to need my shoes to go to Barona tonight." Well, the Barona part is disconcerting, but the "sneakin' suspicion" part is all Scotch.
He did have some visitors today. Both my Aunt and our good friend Jay came by to see him today.
I also got a message from my friend Debbie today. She said that she went down and talked with the PT at Magnolia, and they agreed to start a little more aggressive PT, hopefully starting tomorrow. So I had a discussion with Dad to try and make sure that he is motivated to try some new and tougher PT. I want to make sure he is in the right mood to try hard. I am afraid that if he does not make an effort, they may revoke it or say he is not ready. I just have to hope that he is into it, and perhaps gives him back some of the motivation he needs to work to get stronger and with luck and determination, maybe some more mobility. I just have to hope and do my best to try and inspire him.
Wish us all lots of hope and a little luck.
Much love.
It is sometimes difficult, because he speaks so clearly, looks so good...It is hard to believe that this person before me, angry, emotional, visibly frustrated, demanding is my Dad...And then in the next second, he will say something or do something that is so thoroughly my Dad. Like tonight, he was talking complete nonsense (in perfect sentences), and he stopped and thought for a second and said "I've got a sneakin' suspicion that I am going to need my shoes to go to Barona tonight." Well, the Barona part is disconcerting, but the "sneakin' suspicion" part is all Scotch.
He did have some visitors today. Both my Aunt and our good friend Jay came by to see him today.
I also got a message from my friend Debbie today. She said that she went down and talked with the PT at Magnolia, and they agreed to start a little more aggressive PT, hopefully starting tomorrow. So I had a discussion with Dad to try and make sure that he is motivated to try some new and tougher PT. I want to make sure he is in the right mood to try hard. I am afraid that if he does not make an effort, they may revoke it or say he is not ready. I just have to hope that he is into it, and perhaps gives him back some of the motivation he needs to work to get stronger and with luck and determination, maybe some more mobility. I just have to hope and do my best to try and inspire him.
Wish us all lots of hope and a little luck.
Much love.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Another tough day...
Today was a tough day for Dad all around. When my Mom arrived this afternoon, she was greeted halfway down the long hallway to my Dad yelling at the top of his lungs. He was very agitated and upset and was hollering to "get out of here," and he "wasn't going to take it anymore..." When Mom rounded the corner into his room, one of the sweet CNA's was in the room, holding Dad's hand and stroking his arm, and speaking softly to him, trying to calm him down. Mom said he was so loud and demanding that Edward, the very quiet man next to him was in his wheelchair holding his head and crying.
Mom asked the nurse to give him something to calm him down and so they gave him an Ativan. By the time I got there at about 6:30, he was calm, but surprisingly, not at all tired or loopy, which when he had those bouts of severe agitation in Arbor Hills right after his surgery, a dose of Ativan would put him out for several hours.
Not sure what set him off. The CNA that was trying to calm him down came back in while I was there, and she asked him if he was feeling better, and he said yes, and apologized and thanked her for being there. So, he was aware of what he did, but I am not sure why he did it. At one point, Dad told me that he needed money to pay the girls for taking such good care of him...This is a common request, and I tell him time and again that they cannot accept money from him, or they will get fired. He argues with me every time, and I try to appease him by telling him I will bring a cake or other pastry in each week as a thank you to the staff. Apparently that is not good enough. Funny thing is, when I asked him today why he was so upset earlier in the afternoon, he said that he wanted out because he got such poor care and no one gave a damn...When I questioned why he wanted to give money to those who didn't give a damn, he looked at me like I asked him in French...He is just so confused.
On top of this, we found out that one of my Dad's great friends passed away this morning. My Dad, his friend Jack and Glenn would go to Hooter's once a month for lunch. Glenn was an amazing man and very dear to my Dad. They were all very close and truly enjoyed each other's company. Glenn and his wife Nan came to visit Dad quite often when he was at Arbor Hills, and Nan has been a tremendous comfort with her support and emails throughout all of this. She used to be a nurse and has provided a lot of background on all of these medical terms and been a pillar of support. Glenn will be missed tremendously by us all.
After Dad's afternoon, I probably would have chosen to wait to tell him about Glenn, but Mom told him before I got there, after he calmed down from his tantrum. She said he took it well initially. When I walked in, Mom had stepped out for a minute, and when I said "hi Dad" he said "I am so glad you are here, I need your help..." I said "with what Dad?" and he said "Glenn died" and he started to cry. We talked a lot about Glenn and how special he was, and he was very concerned about Nan. He wanted me to call her right then so he could talk to her. I told him that I am sure she did not want to talk tonight, and maybe we could call her in few days. He truly loved Glenn and still loves Nan so much.
So, needless to say, it was a bad day all around. It is so hard to deal with the good days, and days like this are almost unbearable emotionally all around. My heart goes out to Nan, and so thankful to her for her support and for their visits to Dad.
Love to all.
Mom asked the nurse to give him something to calm him down and so they gave him an Ativan. By the time I got there at about 6:30, he was calm, but surprisingly, not at all tired or loopy, which when he had those bouts of severe agitation in Arbor Hills right after his surgery, a dose of Ativan would put him out for several hours.
Not sure what set him off. The CNA that was trying to calm him down came back in while I was there, and she asked him if he was feeling better, and he said yes, and apologized and thanked her for being there. So, he was aware of what he did, but I am not sure why he did it. At one point, Dad told me that he needed money to pay the girls for taking such good care of him...This is a common request, and I tell him time and again that they cannot accept money from him, or they will get fired. He argues with me every time, and I try to appease him by telling him I will bring a cake or other pastry in each week as a thank you to the staff. Apparently that is not good enough. Funny thing is, when I asked him today why he was so upset earlier in the afternoon, he said that he wanted out because he got such poor care and no one gave a damn...When I questioned why he wanted to give money to those who didn't give a damn, he looked at me like I asked him in French...He is just so confused.
On top of this, we found out that one of my Dad's great friends passed away this morning. My Dad, his friend Jack and Glenn would go to Hooter's once a month for lunch. Glenn was an amazing man and very dear to my Dad. They were all very close and truly enjoyed each other's company. Glenn and his wife Nan came to visit Dad quite often when he was at Arbor Hills, and Nan has been a tremendous comfort with her support and emails throughout all of this. She used to be a nurse and has provided a lot of background on all of these medical terms and been a pillar of support. Glenn will be missed tremendously by us all.
After Dad's afternoon, I probably would have chosen to wait to tell him about Glenn, but Mom told him before I got there, after he calmed down from his tantrum. She said he took it well initially. When I walked in, Mom had stepped out for a minute, and when I said "hi Dad" he said "I am so glad you are here, I need your help..." I said "with what Dad?" and he said "Glenn died" and he started to cry. We talked a lot about Glenn and how special he was, and he was very concerned about Nan. He wanted me to call her right then so he could talk to her. I told him that I am sure she did not want to talk tonight, and maybe we could call her in few days. He truly loved Glenn and still loves Nan so much.
So, needless to say, it was a bad day all around. It is so hard to deal with the good days, and days like this are almost unbearable emotionally all around. My heart goes out to Nan, and so thankful to her for her support and for their visits to Dad.
Love to all.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The "Thing"
I saw Dad today. He was doing ok. Still confused. It is just heartbreaking sometimes. We were trying to watch the debates, and he would latch on to a word and it would set him off. When they asked the question about new energy and whether or not they should put all the money into a "Manhattan Project" like they did for the bomb, my Dad said "oh good...Now they are talking about the bomb!" It is sometimes hard to take that just a few short months ago, things were so different.
I did try and encourage him to keep on the PT girl and tell her that he wanted to work harder and longer and wanted to get stronger. He said he told her this today, and she said "just keep telling us that each time..." Um...What does that mean? It could mean a couple of things...It could mean that Dad has no idea what he is talking about...It could mean that he does know what he is talking about, and she did say that, but she said it to measure his level of determination (and if that is the case, she does not know my Dad)...Or she said it and is just that cold. I am going to wait until my friend Debbie meets with her this week and see what happens. Let's hope for the best.:)
Much love...
I did try and encourage him to keep on the PT girl and tell her that he wanted to work harder and longer and wanted to get stronger. He said he told her this today, and she said "just keep telling us that each time..." Um...What does that mean? It could mean a couple of things...It could mean that Dad has no idea what he is talking about...It could mean that he does know what he is talking about, and she did say that, but she said it to measure his level of determination (and if that is the case, she does not know my Dad)...Or she said it and is just that cold. I am going to wait until my friend Debbie meets with her this week and see what happens. Let's hope for the best.:)
Much love...
Monday, October 6, 2008
A couple of days off...From blogging...
The weekend was good, but still struggling with balancing it all. Some good things in store though...
Got the call from the vascular surgeon's office today, and Mom goes in for her surgery next Tuesday, and she will be in the hospital overnight. She is really looking forward to getting it over with.
Also spoke to my good friend "Debbie" today...Remember? Debbie from Sharp? My Dad's case worker? Well, she is going down later this week to talk to the physical therapist at Magnolia. She had been down there a few weeks back as she was checking into Dr. Zu's request for additional therapy. She said that the PT told her that my Dad was too weak and tired for additional therapy and he would not progress, and that he was too run down due to the treatments. Well, she was quite shocked when I told her that he was only getting 45 minutes a week, and that he has been done with his treatments for several weeks. Debbie will be paying a visit to Magnolia later this week for a consultation with the PT. I have high hopes.
Other than that, things are good. In addition to so many thoughtful sympathies from my friends and family, I got the most thoughtful card from my Vet (she is wonderful), and then the office sent me the sweetest little flower arrangement. I still feel Dr. Unger was the reason Tucker had the good life he did for the past year and a half. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful place to take care of my little guys...Well, Newman now.
Speaking of Newman, he is doing well without Tucker. He seems fairly unaffected. He still loves going outside, he eats, sleeps, plays...Pretty much all the same things he did when Tucker was here. I guess it is a good thing, as I have enough to deal with without having a depressed dog.:)
Still waiting to hear from the HOA regarding the next steps on my sewer line. I have a tremendous fear that they will have to pull up my whole garage floor, which means pulling out all my cabinets, and all my Christmas decor...I am just holding my breath to see what is going to happen.
So, just a last little bit about Dad. He gets more and more confused each day. I am not sure what to make of it. I don't know if there is a reason for it...Be it chemo side effects, boredom, frustration, a sign that the cancer is still growing...I just don't know. He often will start a sentence or a story, and completely forget it mid-sentence. Now, I do this on a pretty regular basis, but he will do this several times over a period of a few minutes. He will also tell strange stories...Today he said "hey, they had a problem down at SeaWorld today..." so I asked him what kind of problem, and he said "they had a problem with the big displays." I asked him what displays, and he looked right at me, fairly annoyed, and said "they had problems with the big displays for the blogs." Ok, now, I am just not sure where he gets this stuff...I guess with hopes that the PT helps get him motivated, and then we will have to see where the cancer stands in December...And hope for the best.
Anyway, hope everyone had a good weekend. Oktoberfest was fun, but damp on Saturday, and spent Sunday replacing the Malibu light I ran over at my parent's house...Good times.
Much love to all!
Got the call from the vascular surgeon's office today, and Mom goes in for her surgery next Tuesday, and she will be in the hospital overnight. She is really looking forward to getting it over with.
Also spoke to my good friend "Debbie" today...Remember? Debbie from Sharp? My Dad's case worker? Well, she is going down later this week to talk to the physical therapist at Magnolia. She had been down there a few weeks back as she was checking into Dr. Zu's request for additional therapy. She said that the PT told her that my Dad was too weak and tired for additional therapy and he would not progress, and that he was too run down due to the treatments. Well, she was quite shocked when I told her that he was only getting 45 minutes a week, and that he has been done with his treatments for several weeks. Debbie will be paying a visit to Magnolia later this week for a consultation with the PT. I have high hopes.
Other than that, things are good. In addition to so many thoughtful sympathies from my friends and family, I got the most thoughtful card from my Vet (she is wonderful), and then the office sent me the sweetest little flower arrangement. I still feel Dr. Unger was the reason Tucker had the good life he did for the past year and a half. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful place to take care of my little guys...Well, Newman now.
Speaking of Newman, he is doing well without Tucker. He seems fairly unaffected. He still loves going outside, he eats, sleeps, plays...Pretty much all the same things he did when Tucker was here. I guess it is a good thing, as I have enough to deal with without having a depressed dog.:)
Still waiting to hear from the HOA regarding the next steps on my sewer line. I have a tremendous fear that they will have to pull up my whole garage floor, which means pulling out all my cabinets, and all my Christmas decor...I am just holding my breath to see what is going to happen.
So, just a last little bit about Dad. He gets more and more confused each day. I am not sure what to make of it. I don't know if there is a reason for it...Be it chemo side effects, boredom, frustration, a sign that the cancer is still growing...I just don't know. He often will start a sentence or a story, and completely forget it mid-sentence. Now, I do this on a pretty regular basis, but he will do this several times over a period of a few minutes. He will also tell strange stories...Today he said "hey, they had a problem down at SeaWorld today..." so I asked him what kind of problem, and he said "they had a problem with the big displays." I asked him what displays, and he looked right at me, fairly annoyed, and said "they had problems with the big displays for the blogs." Ok, now, I am just not sure where he gets this stuff...I guess with hopes that the PT helps get him motivated, and then we will have to see where the cancer stands in December...And hope for the best.
Anyway, hope everyone had a good weekend. Oktoberfest was fun, but damp on Saturday, and spent Sunday replacing the Malibu light I ran over at my parent's house...Good times.
Much love to all!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
No news is good news...Again.
Mom and I went and saw Dr. Leah Levi today. She is the neuro-opthamologist at the Shiley Eye Center at UCSD. She was absolutely amazing. The good news is that she came up with the same results as all of the doctors at Grossmont Hospital.
So what makes her so amazing? I am sure you are asking that question. She spent close to 2 hours with us, she was inquisitive, kind, easy to talk to, and you can just tell she knows what she is doing. Although she gave the same possible causes...A small stroke in the nerve, which she explained is not like a standard stroke in the brain, but a small momentary circulation problem with the blood supply to the nerve, which unlike a stroke in the brain, can heal over time. The other possibility is the elevated inflammatory response that was in my Mom's spinal fluid.
With the stroke theory, she said it is unusual that with this presentation, for the pupil to be involved, which it is, so that is strange. Usually if the pupil is involved, that signifies an aneurysm, which there is no sign of. If it was a small stroke in the nerve, it is something usually seen in people who have high cholesterol, high blood pressure or diabetes, and my Mom has none of those. The good news is, like the other doctors, Dr. Levi said that it will heal in 3 months. She said that not much happens during the first month (which will be next week!), but by the end of the second month, there should be more movement of the eyeball and increased ability of the eyelid. And by the end of the third month, things should be practically back to normal
The inflammation results from the spinal tap are also intriguing to Dr. Levi, and she is going to keep that in the back of her mind. She said that if this was caused by inflammation in the spinal fluid, it could take longer than 3 months to heal, but it will heal. She said that inflammation can cause this, but it is usually gradual over time and it is not characteristic to occur over the period of a few hours.
When we go back to see her in November, if Mom is not healed to the point Dr. Levi thinks she should be, she may prescribe steroids to see if the inflammation is still part of the problem, which would also, in theory, help it to clear up.
She was very impressed with the care Mom received at Grossmont. She was impressed with all the tests, the reports and how thorough everyone was in trying to get to the source of the problem. She said that she would have done exactly the same tests. This makes me feel good about the level of care at Grossmont. I was pleased with the care that both my Dad received and now my Mom, but it still is reassuring to know that it is not just my perception.
We have quite a bit ahead of us with Mom in the next 2 months. She is supposed to go in for the endocardectomy to clean out her carotid artery closer to the end of October, then she goes to see the opthamologist at the end of October, and she hopes she will be scheduled for cataract surgery soon as well.
I didn't make it down to see Dad tonight. I got home around 3:30, and laid down for a nap (in the middle of the day...what a luxury!), and Mom called and woke me me up at 5:30. I guess I needed to catch up a little on sleep. I will go down and see Dad tomorrow.
Looking forward to the weekend. Oktoberfest in La Mesa with friends, spending and doing things with Newman so he is not bored or lonely. Although Tucker and Newman did not play together all the time, he has got to miss having someone else in the house with him. Maybe we will go to the dog park for a little while. And of course, trying to play catch up on laundry and house cleaning/organizing, etc.
Love to all.
So what makes her so amazing? I am sure you are asking that question. She spent close to 2 hours with us, she was inquisitive, kind, easy to talk to, and you can just tell she knows what she is doing. Although she gave the same possible causes...A small stroke in the nerve, which she explained is not like a standard stroke in the brain, but a small momentary circulation problem with the blood supply to the nerve, which unlike a stroke in the brain, can heal over time. The other possibility is the elevated inflammatory response that was in my Mom's spinal fluid.
With the stroke theory, she said it is unusual that with this presentation, for the pupil to be involved, which it is, so that is strange. Usually if the pupil is involved, that signifies an aneurysm, which there is no sign of. If it was a small stroke in the nerve, it is something usually seen in people who have high cholesterol, high blood pressure or diabetes, and my Mom has none of those. The good news is, like the other doctors, Dr. Levi said that it will heal in 3 months. She said that not much happens during the first month (which will be next week!), but by the end of the second month, there should be more movement of the eyeball and increased ability of the eyelid. And by the end of the third month, things should be practically back to normal
The inflammation results from the spinal tap are also intriguing to Dr. Levi, and she is going to keep that in the back of her mind. She said that if this was caused by inflammation in the spinal fluid, it could take longer than 3 months to heal, but it will heal. She said that inflammation can cause this, but it is usually gradual over time and it is not characteristic to occur over the period of a few hours.
When we go back to see her in November, if Mom is not healed to the point Dr. Levi thinks she should be, she may prescribe steroids to see if the inflammation is still part of the problem, which would also, in theory, help it to clear up.
She was very impressed with the care Mom received at Grossmont. She was impressed with all the tests, the reports and how thorough everyone was in trying to get to the source of the problem. She said that she would have done exactly the same tests. This makes me feel good about the level of care at Grossmont. I was pleased with the care that both my Dad received and now my Mom, but it still is reassuring to know that it is not just my perception.
We have quite a bit ahead of us with Mom in the next 2 months. She is supposed to go in for the endocardectomy to clean out her carotid artery closer to the end of October, then she goes to see the opthamologist at the end of October, and she hopes she will be scheduled for cataract surgery soon as well.
I didn't make it down to see Dad tonight. I got home around 3:30, and laid down for a nap (in the middle of the day...what a luxury!), and Mom called and woke me me up at 5:30. I guess I needed to catch up a little on sleep. I will go down and see Dad tomorrow.
Looking forward to the weekend. Oktoberfest in La Mesa with friends, spending and doing things with Newman so he is not bored or lonely. Although Tucker and Newman did not play together all the time, he has got to miss having someone else in the house with him. Maybe we will go to the dog park for a little while. And of course, trying to play catch up on laundry and house cleaning/organizing, etc.
Love to all.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
A night for television...
I got to Dad's a little later than usual. When I got there, he was all settled in bed, and watching television. Mom was there, and we sat and tried to chat...But, Dad would ask a question, without taking his eyes of the television. It was comical...He would ask a question, and then wouldn't listen to the answer, and then 30 seconds later, he would say "what?" It was like a little kid absorbed in a television show.
So needless to say, we didn't get much conversing done.:)
Looking forward to taking Mom to see this doctor tomorrow. She is a specialist and hopefully will be able to either find the cause of my Mom's problems and/or help fix her eye or at least give her hope. Wish us all luck.
Thank you all for your kind wishes about my little Tucker. It gets a little better every day. One of the things that that has helped is a poem that has been given or sent to me by several people. It really helps to ease the pain a bit, and gives me hope that I will see his sweet face again. Here is the poem for your enjoyment...
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
Love to all.
So needless to say, we didn't get much conversing done.:)
Looking forward to taking Mom to see this doctor tomorrow. She is a specialist and hopefully will be able to either find the cause of my Mom's problems and/or help fix her eye or at least give her hope. Wish us all luck.
Thank you all for your kind wishes about my little Tucker. It gets a little better every day. One of the things that that has helped is a poem that has been given or sent to me by several people. It really helps to ease the pain a bit, and gives me hope that I will see his sweet face again. Here is the poem for your enjoyment...
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
Love to all.
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