Don't sweat the small stuff...

So, Dad has taken to the phrase "don't sweat the small stuff." Whenever my Mom goes on about something she needs to do, or when I am going to come over and pay the bills, my Dad always says "Dorth...Don't sweat the small stuff, and all of this is small. We need to worry about getting the big things in order right now." For all of you who know my Mom well, the only thing she knows how to do...Is sweat the small stuff...:)

So, today my Dad was very tired when I got there at 6:45. In fact, he had just finished his dinner, and he dismissed us at about 7:15 because he was so tired. My Mom said that earlier, she had run out to the restroom and to grab a glass of water, and when she came back 5 minutes later, he had fallen asleep. I am not sure why he was so tired today, but he didn't have any visitors (he has been so spoiled with so many people coming to see him), and maybe he worked extra hard in PT this morning, and maybe he is getting nervous about tomorrow. Whatever it was, he was exhausted. It allowed my Mom and I to grab a bite to eat before I went over and paid the bills. It was nice to spend some time with Mom, and to make sure she actually ate. Geez, that woman is so tiny to start out with, and although she and I have lost about the same amount of weight through all this, it is like 18% of her body weight...She is just getting so thin. I can't say the same for me, but it is what it is...All I can say, is that food doesn't taste as good as it did before all this happened.

So, it has been a month today since I was told there was something going on. On my Mom's birthday. It had been going on pretty extensively the week prior, requiring some of my parent's neighbors to come over to help him up and down, but my Mom wanted to protect me, and she knew I had a busy work week, and didn't want to disturb me...Always looking out for me I guess.

It is still hard for me to fathom that all this has happened. I have accepted that it is real, and that we have a fight ahead of us, but I still can't believe that my Dad has brain cancer. And it hits me in the oddest times. I think the one that surprises me most is every time I start to back into my garage to park my car. Almost every week, if not more than once a week, the garage door would open, and I would look in my rear view mirror to back in, and I would catch site of something hanging on the doorknob to the door that leads into my house. My Dad would by me some cherries or clementines from Costco, or my parents would drop their Chinese food leftovers by for me to heat up for dinner. I don't know why, but I am almost shocked when I look back and there is nothing there.

So, tomorrow is the oncologists appointments. We should learn a lot more about his future treatment, when it will start, what it will consist of, and everything that goes along with it. I have a feeling that my Dad will be up and ready for his early pick up. He is very anxious about "the next step," and he is ready for it. When I told him tonight that I would see him in the morning, he said "bring it on!" As tired as he was, he managed a smile and a thumbs up. I am so glad he is so strong and motivated. It surprises me (who am I kidding, no it doesn't) that he is still the rock here. He is the one going through it all, and he worries about how it effects all of us...He said tonight "I sure have laid a heavy load on you with all of this." I told him that we are sharing the load, and that is what families do. I told him that I wish like hell that this didn't happen, but it did, and we are lucky to have each other and our friends and family to help get us through. And that if the roles were reversed, he would be right there for me. He looked at me and smiled, and said "you are right. So bring on tomorrow...Pour it on! Well, don't pour TOO fast..." We both laughed.

I am sure I will have a lot to talk about tomorrow. Wish us luck and keep Dad in your thoughts and prayers.

Much love.