Unending determination...

Now, my Dad has always been a pretty determined guy. To have fought back from Polio, where he was told he would never walk again, to graduating high school, college, work hard all his life, have a family that he has made a priority...He had to have a heck of a lot of fight in him, and virtually no understanding of quitting or self-pity.

He still amazes me every single day. When the man has every right to be mad at the world, or God, or life itself, he still manages to be a pillar of motivation and positivity. And not fake or false bravado, just honest, determined, inspiring determination. Now, he does question why this has happened to him, but in a curios way, not in a sad or depressed way.

To be honest, I think this is one of the only ways he could be stricken. My Dad has always been rigorous about his health. Now, yes, he smokes a little, and he enjoys wine, and doesn't always eat the way we all should, but for the most part, he has always done the things that you need to do to monitor your health. I think because he has always needed every part of what is left of his body to function in a normal way, he has always been very careful to take care of it. He has always done his yearly check ups, blood tests, took his vitamins...You name it. Had all the right tests at all the right times, and he has always been the picture of health on paper. I was at my folks house going through papers, and I came across his last blood test results from earlier this year. Everything was perfect. His blood pressure was always rock solid, he was always able to give 2 or 3 times the normal dose of platelets at the Blood Bank because his blood was rich in iron.

There is not a test to identify a brain tumor. There is no definitive cause of brain tumors. There can be symptoms, and in most cases they are headaches (my Dad has never had a headache in his life), and most are identified when someone has a seizure for the first time. We think my Dad may have had a seizure in May, but it was so minor, he remained standing the entire time, and was speaking through the whole thing. Many times brain tumors are found too late to even conduct treatment. I wish we would have found it earlier, and I wish it was not so aggressive, but where is wishing going to get me? I am just so thankful that we do have this time together, and for all intents and purposes, he is pretty much himself, and has come through to this point with flying colors. I am so close to my Dad, that I can see the things that are not quite right yet, but I think most people who are seeing him for the first time, or seeing him again after a little while are surprised how well he is doing. And even I am surprised at the progress every single day.

Tonight he was asking me again about his appointment on the 8th. He couldn't remember if he was having surgery again, or starting chemo or what. Well, I told him "no more surgery for now,' and told him that he may start chemo after that appointment, but we wouldn't know until then. I know there is supposed to be a CT scan with some dye, and I am assuming they may do the small tattoos to line up the radiation each time.

He said "it probably sounds silly, but I am looking forward to the next steps. It is a new challenge and I know it is going to be hard, but it is something different, and another chance to beat this." He looked right at me, and said "This is just a bump in the road. I have already survived the hard part. I made it through surgery, which is a battle won. Now, we are on our way up the other side...And there maybe more bumps, but I am ready to take them on. I know I will not have forever, but I will take all the time I can, and I will fight for a quality of life. If I have 10 years...Great! If I can have 5 times 10 years, even better. But whatever I have, I will fight and make it count."

I sure wish I had a fraction of the strength and determination of that man.

Much love (and determination) to all.